Capturing Essence
by CreationStartsWithUs
Summary: Set after the 2X01 premiere. When Emily Thorne lets Nolan Ross stay at her house for the summer, she expects a nightmare but finds he is the only one who can help her piece everything together as well as herself.
1. Moving In

He sits on the beige couch that reminds him of Werther's sucking candies in his crinkled mismatched pajamas and looks at the clock. Its five minutes past midnight and he can hear Emily Thorne in the bathroom drying her hair downstairs from her night swim. He told her before she was crazy for braving the waves because he had heard there would be stormy weather, but that couldn't stop her and literally nothing would. She was always stubborn and head strong but she had her own tricks on how to get used to the cold water, something her father had shared with her when she was a little girl. David Clarke's visage flashed in Nolan's mind, an imprint burnt there forever of the man who he was so easily able to think of as a father when comparing him to his own. The blow dryer turns off in the distance and he snaps back to reality, his eyes focusing on the computer screen in front of him. The Wicked witch of the West stares back at him, an old reel of footage in black and white. The scene played over and over and he watched Emily Thorne almost try to memorize it, like she was storing every breath, every facial expression in her vault of misery. Victoria Grayson has another thing coming to her.

Watching Emily ease her way out of the bathroom, her golden hair now warm and semi frizzy from lack of product, he smiles softly but she doesn't look in his direction. Nolan is always first to smile and she is always the last person to laugh but when it happens, it's damn near music to his ears. There was nothing like seeing little Amanda Clarke all grown up and genuinely happy but he was sure he hadn't seen all that just yet. It gave him something to look forward to though.

He clears his throat and she turns her attention to him like she really can't be bothered. "Can I help you Nolan?"

He shrugs it off, shakes his head and sinks into to the couch. She realizes he looks like a puppy waiting for a biscuit and can't take it anymore; this leads her up the stairs, door slamming for an extra amount of voltage between the two.

Up in her room she realizes how him being there in the house with her makes her feel safer. It didn't matter that he took boxing classes and knew karate now, what mattered was that she had someone to turn to at any given moment and he was less than a phone call away. Nolan Ross was always at her disposal.

She could have a gun, a guard dog, and a fancy alarm system but deep down knowing Nolan was a second away made her feel contained, like she wasn't in need of being in a constant state of threat and worry. She could hear him tinkering around downstairs and wondered what he was doing but then there it was, the blender again, ice being grated by metal blades until it barely resembled ice anymore. He really should have come prepared with earplugs for her. Changing into her pajamas which just happened to be black yoga pants and an old t-shirt, she threw on a coral colored satin robe before joining him in the kitchen.

"Really, another smoothie?" she asks as she watches him break a banana in two which doesn't take much effort.

Nolan nods as he points at her playfully, his finger wagging like a happy little ball of fluff's tail, "How else do you think I stay so fit? Do you want one? I'm keeping away from strawberries, don't worry Ems…" he says, remembering her allergy to the little red seedy super fruit.

"I'm good," She replies as she watches him make use of the blender that she used to use for Daniel when he worked out and needed a protein smoothie with a lot of whey, the vanilla kind. Daniel Grayson was a vanilla man all together. He was sweet and overly kind but that darkness was starting to come out. He also seemed to get lost at the bottom of a bottle more recently, more frequently. She knew he was going down a bad path and she was glad that she wasn't along for the ride.

She had her own issues; one's that Nolan Ross had signed up for.

First he had a smoothie to make.

"No midnight snack for you?" he chimes as he talks over the blender's loud crunching and munching, all the ice still not pared down to size.

"I've lost my appetite…" she proclaims as she finds some hand sanitizer to slather on her skin, the scent, Lemon Zest.

"Thinking about Mommie Dearest?" he asks as he pours the orange banana concoction into a crystal glass that looks like it's for fancy events or possibly a wedding.

"I'm just in shock, to think that Victoria Grayson would go through all that trouble to do the same thing to my mother and father, I just wonder what it is they did to her to make her feel so threatened," she says as she warms up to him just a bit.

The blonde genius sips his drink through a straw but finds it is harder than it looks, as the medley of fruits is thick. It could have used a bit more time in the blender but he turned it off early when he could see it was giving Emily a headache.

"Maybe she wasn't threatened at all, maybe she was just jealous, envious of your family and what she wanted. Couldn't have true happiness?" he asks, trying to think of reasons that would make Queen Victoria so bitter.

"I think there is a bigger picture here Nolan," she insists as she takes a sip from his glass, wanting to see if he would be useful at something around here instead of making little messes she had to clean up.

Her head spins with more thoughts of her mother as the fruity taste washes over her tongue and a memory of eating fruit flavored ice pops with her mother is remembered. It's just a flash but it's enough to rattle her.

_Her mother hands Amanda the ice pop and cleans her up when she gets it all over her face and the front of her shirt. _

Nolan sees a look on her face but doesn't dare ask what she's thinking; he knows he will only be met with an insult or a mask of solitude. He watches her leave the room but something escapes him, his lips parting as words flow out like a stream of music notes on a page.

"You aren't in this alone Ems…your father has me watching out for you for a reason…" he says as he dares to follow her footsteps.

"My father's dead Nolan, apparently he made a lot of bad decisions, one of them being in love with the woman that had my mother committed. I'm not sure I trust his judgment right now…" she says with a stern voice as she turns to him with lackluster eyes, the life and color stripped from her face.

It's time for bed and with that she heads upstairs and he us left a shell of empty regrets and so many things he should have said.

Nolan can't sleep that night; he tosses and turns just as she does and they are only a room away from each other, thin walls separating them. He swears he hears whimpering but decides it's the wind.

Even if Amanda was crying, there was no way he was just going to waltz into her room and try to make everything better. She would beat his ass if he saw her like that. Even though he had seen her in vulnerable states before, as she did with him, when it came to motherly love, he knew to stay away.

When morning light hit, Emily was the first to rise. She was used to being an early riser as her mornings would usually consist of working out, drinking tea, or running to the fish market to buy dinner for her and Daniel. Now it would be her and Nolan and the two could take turns cooking and doing laundry as long as he knew what way she liked her spin cycle to go. He was a fast learner, a techie so she was sure he could handle a little soap suds and elbow grease. She wasn't sure how he was in the kitchen though, the last thing she needed was a fire.

While she personally liked fire and would be considered a pyromaniac on some type of scale, she didn't want any of her personal items burning to a crisp because he tried to make bacon or microwave metal. She'd tell him the only things he could make were ramen noodles and salads unless he proved he could handle the big boy stuff. Was Nolan Ross domestic? That was the question.

Coming downstairs, trying to avoid the creaky step, she was surprised to find Nolan already in the kitchen, his robe wrapped tightly around him, his hair wet from a shower.

In his hands were plates and on the plates were eggs, toast and what looked to be home fries.

"You didn't have bacon so I made do with what was in your fridge, hope you're hungry Ems…" he says with a sigh.

He's a bit worn around the eyes and so is she but it doesn't matter, what does is the food in front of her. She's hungry and grateful that she let him stay, at least right now she is. Things changed with her very quickly though, the girl like a boomerang.

"I am. Thank you…" she says, and his eyes almost widen now that she's giving him some credit. She isn't barking orders or telling him her plans so she must be worn thin.

Her voice sounds a bit meek and breathy but he finds it attractive knowing she is human after all and not a robot as he sometimes likes to think. He sets down a glass of orange juice of her, knowing the vitamin C will do them both some good.

It's another day and he wonders what it will bring them.

Focusing in on her mother made her feel sick to her stomach, after thinking her mother had cancer for so long it was a shock to remember the truth, that Victoria Grayson had likely imprisoned her mother and made everyone think she was crazy.

Thinking on it now, Victoria Grayson had done the same to her and the same to her father. David Clarke was made to look like the bad guy, made to look unstable and made to look like a terrorist. Amanda herself was made into an unstable victim. At a young age she was labeled a sociopath but only after Victoria Grayson or an unknown source at the time had placed her in a juvenile mental institution where Michelle Banks had gotten to her, brainwashing her to think her father was a bad man. The common man had enough to deal with when society forced its views down people's throats and here she was with a woman from high society turning her into someone she was not. She never felt more of a burning need to take down the Grayson family. The desire for revenge pulsed through her veins until her entire body felt hot.

Finding Nolan in his makeshift office which was in the corner of the room he was practically renting out, she watched him click around on the internet like he was part computer himself. His fingers could move faster than hers or anyone else's she had ever seen with a laptop. He came armed and it made sense he made technology his business. He was lucky to have those long fingers and she was sure he had made other people feel lucky with them.

She feels a blush rise to her cheek and clears her throat to let him know she has sauntered off into his room without knocking. He doesn't mind.

"Do you have a job for me?" he asks as he turns his attention to her like a trained military soldier. He knows she isn't here for a slumber party, probably just more diatribe.

"Not exactly," she says with a rumble in her throat that makes her sound like she has something up her sleeve.

"Spill…" he counters as he moves from his chair, knowing if he is going to stay than he's going to need more of his stuff into her place and out of the many storage facilities they remain in.

"It's just a thought, a demand. I can't keep waiting to see if my mother shows up, I need to find her. We need to be proactive," she says as she turns on her heels, pacing the room.

"I was being proactive all summer," he engages her as he flashes a smile. "That and training but also looking into mama bear's locale. She is not surprisingly off the grid."

"Do you think Victoria still has my mother under her thumb?" she asks as she settles down, her pacing subsiding.

"It's time we find out…"he says to her as he approaches her tall frame, she's 5'8, he's 6'2.

He's her shadow and she's the leader. He doesn't mind, not one bit.

"It's going to be one hell of a summer…" he adds as they walk downstairs together, ready to spend an evening in, not knowing what that was going to consist of.

"Are you ready?" she asks, a little smile appearing on her face as if she already knows his answer.

"Born ready."


	2. The Offer

Behind his eyes he holds a set record of almost everything she's ever said to him and part of him always knows what she's going to say. As unpredictable as Emily Thorne is, the way she treats him is like clockwork. Sometimes he can see a sparkle in her smile and he knows it's bound to be something juicy but most of the time he knows he's going to be treated like her private lap dog.

He bites his tongue and knows if he bites down any harder then he's going to draw blood. He's felt the taste of copper in his mouth before but much prefers tea. He tries not to think about what happened last winter, getting chocked out by the White Haired Man but it begins to fester in his dreams and sooner or later, his insecurities and nightmares are going to bubble to the surface. He's grateful for this spring, his shoulders more steady and able to throw a punch but there's still something inside of him that knows he's next. Nolan Ross is fully aware that being connected to Emily Thorne will bring him trouble but he doesn't care. You only live once right?

"Yolo" he says to her as he sips a bloody mary in the foyer of her beach house. She raises her brow and he knows she is either amused or questioning his morning antics.

"Isn't it a little early for margaritaville?" she asks, the tone in her voice almost understanding of the need to drink in the am.

"Nightcaps, nooners, spiked coffee, it's all the same…" he says as he offers her some but when she gets a whiff under her nose she pulls back, almost nauseous from how much horseradish he added to his already strong drink.

She wants to go for a swim knowing she'll blink and it will be autumn again but everything is taking a toll on her lately and keeping her feet on land. She's afraid if she goes into the water; she'll just end up going under.

"So Ems, what happened to my girl this summer?" he asks as he munches on a celery straw that makes its home in his large glass.

"Your girl?" she asks, not even entertaining the thought.

"Mmm Ems, so tit for tat, just get on with the story will yah?" he demands rather than asks. He's being rhetorical and knows she'll spill sooner or later, especially because he can tell she's tired. The more tired she was, the more she was bound to screw up so he was going to try to help her sleep tonight.

"I went back to Satoshi Takeda to learn some more…valuable skills…" she says but is quickly cut off.

"You went back to him? Someone's feeling very risky business…" he sputters.

"I went back to him to try to unlock some memories about my mother," she states as she watches him finish his drink and she wonders how he kept it all down.

"You needed to go to your old Mr. Miyagi so you could remember your mother? I don't think a little wax on, wax off is really going to help at this point…" he says as he references the Karate Kid.

"I didn't ask for your advice Nolan, I'm just filling you in which is what you asked for. If you can't handle it and you have a sour stomach, then I suggest not asking next time," she says in a harsh tone, knocking his walls down.

"I know, I just thought after everything, he couldn't be trusted…" he purrs as he cocks his head to one side waiting for her reply, curious as to how she could open up to him again.

"It's complicated Nolan…" is all she can say, her face contorted into a strange little smile. That's all she is giving him about her spring break and no matter how much he prods, she won't tell him anymore.

"Don't you want to ask me how my spring break was?" he asks as he curls his tongue, leaning on the granite kitchen counter tops, his head almost hitting the cabinet.

"Not really," she answers, her voice sounding thick and non-complacent.

He ignores her request and carries on, loving to annoy her at a high quality. "I happened to attend a convention thrown in my honor…there was a boat load of canapé and I got to signed many an ample bosom…"

Emily rolls her eyes at him, clearly not amused, "How spirited…" she says in a sarcastic tone but deep down she is thinking about him wielding a pen as woman whip out their breasts to him like a satanic offering.

"Don't tell me you aren't interested!" he says as he listens to her tones and watches her facial expressions. He knew he was just icing the cake.

She looks at him like he's on thin ice but she knows he doesn't believe her, he sees right through her. Nolan Ross is the only one who can call her out on her bullshit because he knows her dirty little secrets, well some of them. Nolan is the one to speak up and act as her conscience when her emotions don't come into play as they should. He has enough emotions for the both of them as she learned to strip hers away and hide them away from the surface. She has tough skin but he manages to break through somehow. Maybe she feels such a connection to him because of how close he was with her father, or at least how he claimed to be.

The bisexual playboy billionaire was how people saw him on the outside but his closest friends knew he was a nerdy friendless little thing. He only made friends when Emily Thorne strolled into town, before that he was sinking in loneliness. With her presence he seemed to come out of his shell and turned into a person that people actually wanted to be around. Nolan always figured the reason his ex-boyfriend Lucas left was because he turned people away when he cast walls up around him. After his father would verbally assault him as a child though, he felt like he had to put up those walls to remain intact.

"I'm not…" she says with a pout on her face as she slinks back into the darkness of the house, finding a place basked by shadows. She doesn't want him to see her face because now she's thinking about him and his past and it's blending with hers. The two blondes have more in common than she once thought and the more she thinks about it, the more apparent it all is.

"So, have we got work to do Maestro?" he asks as he tries to fall into the shadows with her, shadow play most definitely.

Emily nods and walks to the little secretive storage spot built into the under part of the stairs, a place where Harry Potter would be if there was a crawlspace. She reaches into this new place, this fresh home for an old friend and pulls out her infinity box.

"Always"

* * *

The both of them feel as if a can of worms has been opened and it makes them feel on edge, even around each other they squirm and reach for words. Usually it's so easy but the time away from each other put a block on things. Before spring break they were hugging and protecting each other, now she can barely give him eye contact. He's losing hope.

He wonders what really happened to her for the time he was without her. Training for one, but what else?

She sits with her hands at the back of her head as if she's been cuffed by the police lying on her stomach. Her head falls into her hands as she rests her body on the couch, Nolan next to her once more. This sitting on the couch together thing, it's almost becoming a ritual. Nolan holds his laptop in his lap killing the sperm count he doesn't really care about and browses the web, mostly Tumblr. He gets lost in pictures as he hears Victoria Grayson's voice in the background. Emily keeps watching tapes on repeat, wearing her computer down.

She's wearing him down as well. There's only so much he can take of her grating voice before all bets are off. Sitting with her like this reminds him of his ex-boyfriend Lucas listening to the same Nirvana song over and over again until Nolan would have to distract him with kisses to get him to turn his boom box off all together.

Nolan pauses and looks out the window to see the trees bend in the wind and he wonders if a storm is on its way. The sky does look darker than usual. Emily turns her head to see what he is looking at and her finger evades the pause button on the computer until Nolan does it for her. She swats his hand, not even thinking it through.

"What the hell are you doing Nolan?" she asks through grit teeth, clenched jaw.

He pulls back and gives her a shy smile, like he knows he's misbehaved. "I really can't take it anymore Ems…we should watch TV or listen to music or the rain, even the rain would do…" he purrs, his voice lingering in the air.

"I have business to take care of," she says, always reminding him that its work before play. The only time Emily plays is when she puts on a show as Emily Thorne, acting the part.

When she's set in her jeans and boots as Amanda Clarke, it's all business.

"All work and no play makes Emily a very dull girl…" he whines as he runs his fingers through his shorter hair.

"Can you live with that?" she asks as she chews the inside of her cheek, not caring if he can or can't. She's letting him stay here rent free even though he could buy the land out from under her with a snap and a whistle.

"Maybe we should learn a little word called compromise…" he proclaims with snarky confidence as he licks his lips.

She watches his tongue dip against his lower lip and then brings her eyes to face his at the same level. She tries to respect him but sometimes it's hard because she feels respect comes with trust and she has actively tried to keep herself from trusting anyone.

"Alright fine, what do you think we should do?" she asks as she lets him win, showing him and ounce of trust.

"You need to learn how to relax for one," he says as he tries to wrap his arm around her but she recoils as she did the first time he tried on the beach. The time apart they spent really did put a stunt on their relationship.

"How should I do that?" she asks, relying on his information to get her through to the next moment.

"This Grayson stuff is blinding you, haunting you… As much as I want them to burn to the ground, you don't want to go up in flames with them Ems," he says as he holds back the physical comfort he needs because he knows she doesn't want it.

She's quiet until she starts thinking about Jack again, how she was so close to telling him everything. She thinks of Amanda's baby and wonders if the baby is really Jack's. If it is, will she ever have a chance with him? What she does know for sure was that Jack wanted to be with her but Amanda was in the way. She could see in the sailor's eyes that he didn't love her, not like he did in the beginning when he learned she was Amanda Clarke.

She imagined Jack always felt connected her since she was actually David Clarke's daughter but maybe they were just connected because Jack was finally able to see past his childhood crush and see the kind person Emily Thorne was. The thought also came to her, since she was usually putting on an act as Emily Thorne, would Jack ever really want to be with or accept the real her, her true personality?

At least Nolan knew what to expect of her and loved her for it.

Something kept pulling her to watch more footage of Victoria Grayson, to watch her every move but Nolan kept her away, his blue eyes almost dark as he silently reminded her she was in fact a human and had needs she had to take care.

She could use something to eat. Standing up she hears the older wood creak beneath her bare feet as she notices Nolan is wearing mismatched colorful striped socks. She wouldn't expect anything less.

"Where are you going?" he asks, as the words stream from his parted lips.

"Making myself something to eat…" she says as she waltzes into the kitchen, making him follow her like a trained monkey. She'll make him dance for his food.

"Mmm, I see…and approve, that's step one, treating yourself…" he says as he fingers through an old Maxim magazine, making Emily roll her eyes because she isn't sure his old wank material belongs near the dining room.

He hums to himself and knows tomorrow is going to be a long day, every day with her is going to be long and exhausting but he's trying to view it all as a journey, a tragic adventure that will bring them closer together.

She listens to him hum and realizes him being in the house isn't too terrible after all. It beats being alone like she is used to. She hasn't known anything other except for when she was living with Daniel but even then she had to act a certain way, compose herself and always hide everything if she wanted to get anything done. This was different.

"I'm making grilled cheese, you want some?"

It's a small gesture, but he more than appreciates it. He is never one to take advantage but he nods accepting her offer knowing she is reaching out and opening up.


	3. Separation

He can still feel her hands grasping his throat from the day before and when he gulps, his throat is still scratchy. He's sore but not just from the way she gripped him but because the night before she kicked him out. When he arrived home it was all too quiet and she was wet from a shower but that was nothing out of the ordinary, the way she was acting was. There was a flush to her cheeks and he swore he could see a bruise forming at her neck just as he too had. Hers was a bit more yellow in color, like someone had tried to end her but everything was still coming together and he was trying to make it all flow in his mind, piece together the puzzle.

As the morning sun shines through the window, he can hear water sloshing around in the sink and wonders why she's doing dishes by hand. Perhaps it's a distraction because she needs to keep busy. With Jack hatched down by a baby on the way and Charlotte taking care of Victoria Grayson, Emily Thorne finds little to do with herself as she waits for her research to take hold on the disappearance of her mother. It's all very clear to her though what Victoria has done to her entire family which is ruin them even though she imagines the woman said she was there to help. She wonders what made Victoria such a bitter woman. Nolan stretches his lithe limbs before streamlining downstairs, again not wearing any pants. He dons boxers with little smiley faces on them but from far away Emily swears they are cookies. He is wearing a sweater though, something cream colored that makes her think of half and half.

"It was cold last night," she purrs, her voice warm like honey as if she's hiding something and trying to overcompensate. Maybe she feels a tad bit guilty about leaving him high and dry but he can't tell, it's hard to tell with her what she's scheming or plotting or even feeling. He always knows what she's thinking as he can usually guess her next words but never her emotions because she's usually a rollercoaster and he's just along for the ride.

"Clearly," he states, almost angered at the fact that she won't fill him in immediately but he's also used to the secrets, even from her.

"Where did you go last night?" she asks, almost as if she's egging him on. She doesn't really care where he was or who he was with but subconsciously she wants to share her night, she wants to tell him that the White Haired Man is dead and buried and that he can finally rest. Maybe he could move back into Nolcasa because the bad mojo was no longer going to be an issue.

"Out with a new friend…" he exclaims as he almost cuts her off.

"Does this new friend happen to have a name?" she murmurs as she grips a large grapefruit in her hand and squeezes to test its ripeness. Taking out a large knife she lets the silver slide into the fruit, juice squirting her face but managing to miss her eyes thankfully.

"Padma Lahari, she apparently works at Nolcorp but I don't even remember hiring her," he says as he watched the knife cut through.

"Maybe she's a rogue agent trying to learn your secrets," she teased, playing with him but making him jump to the conclusions.

He shrugged it off after a moment of being paranoid, "Nah, I think she's here to help not hurt…" he barks as he hears ringing in his ears, a side effect from being too close to the speakers during last night's outing.

"How admirable," Emily says as she sprinkles crystallized sugar over her deliciously pink grapefruit. Nolan reaches for a box of Frosted Flakes only there is no tiger on the box to greet him, it's a store brand.

He changes the subject, "No Tony the Tiger? What kind of world are we living in?" he asks quizzically.

"The kind that doesn't like jungle cats…" she instinctively says as if someone's asked her this question before.

Nolan raises a brow, his hand wavering over the carton of milk that isn't yet a gallon but looks a little larger than a pint somehow.

"You don't like tigers? I know there's a story here…" he says as she sits on her stool, her fingers burning from the acidic juice. Emily usually had nice hands but today she had a cut on her pointer finger thus creating a wound that didn't like sour juices poured into it. There is only so much she can do or say.

"When I was a little girl, right after my mother disappeared, my mother kept me in the dark but in order to cheer me up, he took me to the zoo to see the tigers. I remember thinking about my mother's face and the animals she liked and even at an age so useless to society I remember just sitting there and I knew she wasn't going to come back…"

Emily's voice gets sullen and Nolan can see the sadness behind her eyes through his tunnel vision, all he can do is listen to her story.

She composes herself and brushes off the entire conversation as if it didn't happen; he wonders what else she will eventually brush off. "So I don't like tigers, I'm more of a bird and dog person…"

Nolan likes cats but he'd never get one as a pet, they're too high maintenance, it's why he'll likely never have children either, too much responsibility. He likes to have fun and do things at his own accord, unless they interfere with Emily in which case she's the boss. He likes the strut of a cat, the self-purpose, the way the lounge as he does and how they clean themselves. They are both high strung and responsible.

"Ems what happened last night?" he asks, "I mean I doubt you were just sitting alone with a bottle of Chianti and exploring your Ya Ya Womanhood…" he says as he crosses those gangly arms of his like a pretzel.

"That's my business…" she says quickly, underestimating his role in things once more.

"But I live here too," he complies with a pout visible on his face that is starting to look a little sickly.

"I didn't ask you to live here, you moved in on your own…You're the one who made reservations, I didn't ask for a guest…" she states, blindingly obvious to the fact that he felt he had nowhere else to go and was tired of being alone.

"Harsh Ems…duly noted," he springs as he turns on his heels sans cereal, he's lost his appetite. Her grapefruit finally purges at her and she flinches, her left eye stinging. She makes it through without tears and goes to tell Nolan what's up but he's already out the door by the time she makes up her mind to fill him in on last night's escapades.

* * *

Sooner or later he finds out about the death of The White Haired Man and realizes Emily didn't tell him first breaking almost a sort of trust that they had between the two. He wasn't surprised though, she told him once that she actively taught herself not to trust people. Even though he wasn't shocked, he let her have her time with this Aiden fellow, a man from her past. Who was he to get in the way of all their history, history he wished he had with her.

Walking into the gala with Padma Lahari, his eyes are green with envy as he sees Emily has brought Aiden Mathis as her date to yet another one of Victoria's social events of the year to raise money for people with mental illnesses, people like Kara Wallace Clarke.

Nolan feels like he's _this _close to finding Emily's mother but he isn't sure what he's going to find, is necessarily going to be a good thing. He watches Aiden bury his face in her hair and closes his eyes, trying to remember her scent, she always smelled like Chai tea and clove where Padma smells like Apricot and nectarine. He enjoys both scents but misses Emily's.

Aiden brings Emily a glass of champagne like a good partner in crime would and Nolan burns for that role, to be her right hand man again. He had so many regrets and his falling out with Emily was one of them, the other was moving out to live in his own makeshift temporary apartment until he figured out what he wanted to do but lately he had just been staying over at Padma's place, letting her make him bacon in the morning and bring him his slippers. He'd cook for her too but for some reason she liked to shower him with domesticated bliss, maybe she was just trying to get something out of him. Sometimes she was a hard read even though she was legitimately a sweet girl. Any blind man could see that and he made sure not to test that theory, he didn't need any more sticky situations.

Padma perks up as she clings to Nolan Ross's arm; she wears a navy blue gown that almost matches his electric blue leather dress shoes that look almost like loafers. "Your friend Emily is here," she states, not knowing many details about the two.

"I see," he coos as he leans in to kiss her, a slow but searing embrace.

From across the room, Emily Thorne watches as she holds in her hands some bubbly. She grips the glass tight and realizes she is jealous of Padma, this girl getting his loyalty. While Aiden is good with the wet work, he doesn't make her laugh and relax like Nolan can and while the sex is good, there isn't any meaning behind it, the two of them living in the past, trying to remember what they once had when they were training with Satoshi Takeda all those years ago.

She is always so quick to forget the minor people around her when the major plot is center front but she has begun to realize that Nolan is a major character in her life. She starts to value him the more time he is absent.

Aiden watches Emily watch Nolan and Padma and tries to make something out of it. "See something you like?" he asks as he cocks his head to one side like a curious puppy.

"Just…reminiscing," she states as she pulls him along, spotting the great Victoria Grayson in all her glory perched atop the balcony near the stairs in her massive home. Emily remembers seeing her there the first time she came back from Allenwood in 2002. It was that very same spot only now, so much has changed.

Padma eases back, her body pressed against Nolan's taller frame, "What was that for?" she asks him as she gives him a gleaming smile.

He shrugs and smirks like he knows he's the most charming man in the room, "Can't a guy just give his gal a little nookie?" he says as he eyes the servers carrying trays with shrimp puffs on them.

"Not in public," she grins as she takes a breath. "You eat your body weight in appetizers, I'm going to mingle for the sake of Nolcorp tonight…" she proclaims, always more invested in fixing the business than fixing him. He doesn't mind because it gives him more time to focus on Emily Thorne. Even if the two haven't been as tight or talking as much, he still keeps a solid eye on her.

He watches her sway a bit as she walks away from him, his fingers reaching for a spring roll. He spots Ashley Grayson in the crowd with a still grieving Daniel Grayson practically attached to a leash behind her.

They look…happy, he thinks.

Rolling his eyes he makes eye contact with Emily Thorne who is practically crawling out of her skin just watching them schmooze on each other. Both blondes look away, neither one wants to make the first move.

Aiden rests his hand on her shoulder and tries to remember every face for her benefit, for her mission but even though he saved Emily from the White Haired Man, she still can't trust him completely. She doesn't know whose side he is really on. She wants to test him, now she just has to figure out how.

"Well if we want to find your mother, I've got a few friends I need to make tonight," he says to her and she knows it's true.

She doesn't want him to leave her side because then she's alone, no one to boss around, no one to listen to. She could find Charlotte but something tells her she isn't leaving Victoria Grayson's side any time soon, her death making Charlotte feel uneasy and see her mother's issues as they come into light. Charlotte wants to take care of her mother after her run in with the man with the snow hair but little does she know is that the person who beat on her mother, was her father planned by her mother. The Hamptons was just a wacky place and her parents were probably the most fucked up in it.

She opens her mouth to wish him luck but he's already turned around a corner, knowing the job he must complete. Emily looks up to see Nolan standing in the same spot across the room and their eyes play off of each other. They both look away and then glance and she knows she has to take the lead as she often does although for once she wishes he has the control. She moves across the marble floors before letting her words writhe on her tongue.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, beckoning him to respond quickly. It's almost as if they are back at square one, taking on the personas they had in the beginning of last summer before everything happened, before they really knew each other at all.

"Free country," he purrs as he thinks about recent politics.

"I see you brought a date," she murmurs with a certain amount of force.

"So did you…what a stunner…" he says just to make her uncomfortable.

"We're here on business, the whirlwind romance we once had, it's gone," she states, not even really knowing why she feels the need to tell him anything at all. She doesn't have to answer to anyone.

"And a single tear falls from my eye for you," he proclaims in a mocking tone. He's always so quick to be honest and let her know just how it is.

"Where are you living?" she asks, already knowing the answer but she wants to hear it from him.

"OH so now you care?" he barks like he's been offended for far too long and this is the last straw.

She takes a breath, her voice almost shaking, "Of course I care Nolan, that's what friends do…or at least I've read about the emotion," she says as she breaks eye contact not able to care and give a look of empathy.

Nolan finds comfort in her words and takes a breath, his shoulders relaxing since they were so tight before.

"Why are you here?" he asks, knowing her steps and how she plays the game.

"Trying to find my mother," she states as she searches the crowd seeing Ashley, Daniel, Charlotte, and finally Victoria who is wearing a luscious purple gown that clings to her hips in the most wicked way possible.

"Well I don't think she's in this crowd," he declares as he looks pleased with himself, always finding the most amusement in his own words.

She affirms that he's being a smart ass just by looking at him and he takes a step back, letting her have the floor.

"I've been looking into your mother still," Nolan expresses, his hands and long fingers working the air like he's some sort of magician. He doesn't know why he's all of a sudden talking with his hands but he feels passionate about the subject perhaps. He knows it will please Emily.

"I didn't ask you to," she responds as she feels the party come to life around her, all the guests piling toward Victoria, a place she doesn't want to be but knows she most go in order to blend in.

"You didn't have to," he reports, knowing what she needs from him without her barking demands at him. He knows his place and as long as it's by her side then it is where he wants to be.


	4. Once a Year

She felt like she had a compulsion, a need for control and he had a certain thirst coursing through his veins where he needed to help people. It had all started when he was a child and he was abused by his father and bullied in school. He grew up wanting to help others who were hurt and since he didn't take an avid role in going to school to become a social worker, helping Jack, Emily and Charlotte, that was the next best thing.

He promised David Clarke he would help his daughter and he was going to keep that promise. He was in too deep to back at now. She was a part of him and when he thought about what life was like before her, he didn't find anything of meaning there. Sure he had some friends and family but they were mostly out rather than in. Even if Emily treated him like a worker bee, she had purpose for him and at the end of the day she subconsciously let him treat her like the Queen B.

Emily never saw herself as anything special, troubled yes, but special was a word used for prom queens, valedictorians and overall champions. The only thing she excelled in was getting in trouble. As a young girl with her bright blonde hair almost white, she was like an angel; but with time a rumbling crackling fire began to appear in those eyes of hers and her heart felt like it was turning to stone. For a time she even hated her father, thinking he had killed innocent people. Amanda Clarke was brainwashed, tormented, abused and molested growing up. She was moved from foster home to foster home until she rebelled. Now here she was in her late 20's and she was just as rebellious. Some things never changed.

Nolan was right there with her, a social misfit and outcast, just as rebellious as her but in different ways. While he didn't burn down buildings he did self-destruct more than once.

Emily Thorne often thought about running a blade across her skin but realized she had to compose herself. She couldn't let more darkness in but she did know that she needed a release, whatever that may be.

Nolan Ross drank more than he used to and sometimes he thought about going back to doing cocaine as he did in college, experimenting with friends as he worked on prototypes like a mad scientist.

They both needed something to help cool them down and keep them balanced and steady as individuals.

At least they had each other.

* * *

He lets his fingers move across the wafting white curtains that dance as the ocean's breeze moves throughout Emily Thorne's beach house that once again has become his. He couldn't fathom living in that apartment any longer, no warm sentimental touches inside. Even though he doesn't own Emily's home, he did help her buy it with the deed is in her name of course. It was a birthday present from over a year ago and her birthday was coming up once more.

Living with Emily again was a good choice, one she didn't say no to even though Aiden Matthis kept finding his way into her life time and time again when she least expected it.

"You really should lock up this place a bit better," Nolan voices as he thinks about security or lack thereof.

"I can take care of myself Nolan, you know I don't panic," she conveys as she moves across the wood floors, almost gliding as she sweeps them with an old broom. They don't make much of a mess but with Nolan there she has to clean more because he keeps tracking in sand.

"Well it couldn't hurt, I'm just sayin…" he suggests as he watches her clean.

"You could help," she utters as she glares at him from across the room, a grey tank top framing her body which seems to look more toned with each day.

"I could, but watching is more fun," he divulges before a broom is thrown in his direction. He barely catches it but knows he's better not argue with her. He makes a sweeping motion but it causes her to snicker.

"You call that sweeping?" she asks as she crosses her arms, trying to contain her amusement and laughter.

He doesn't mind her making fun of him; he enjoys her genuine laughs, the ones that come from Amanda Clarke and not the false acts of Emily Thorne.

"Not nice to poke fun," he replies as he shifts his weight, attempting to sweep the floor and look like he knew what he was doing.

"Well then learn how to use a broom," she says as she walks over to the nearest table to put down the Windex. "You're so used to virtual computer applications, you've forgotten about reality," she reports as she takes the broom back from him, their hands touching, a little spark moving against their skin from the sweeping motion.

"I think at this point, we both have," he chimes as he thinks of other ways h can be useful to her.

She sets down her cleaning supplies and lets the breeze cool her down, a small amount of her sweat clinging to her flesh.

He notices the sheen on her skin and wishes she were closer. He brushes off the thought and remembers why he's here in the first place, because she wants no day wasted.

"Nothing's progressing," she reveals to him, letting him see a vulnerable side as she speaks her thoughts out loud. She sounds sullen and blue.

"Unlocking anymore thoughts about your mother through the ever wise Satoshi Takeda?" he asks, his voice sounding sarcastic but of course he's always sincere underneath it all.

"Nothing," is all she can announce to him before she retreats into herself, almost disappointed that she is yet to make any more discoveries.

"How's lover boy?" he asks in reference to Aiden who seems all but smitten with her as of late.

"In my way," she responds as she taps her fingers, nails painted gold against the wood table she leans on.

"Am I in your way?" he wonders as he compares himself to Aiden.

She just sighs and softly smiles before walking away, leaving him to play with his own personal demons.

He won't get an answer, not tonight.

* * *

The phone rings and without warning she picks it up, not bothering to look to see who it is, she already knows who it is.

"Aiden, what do you want?" she asks remembering how he hurt her in the past, how he broke her young heart. She was naïve but he knew that and took advantage.

"To inform you that I will be leaving The Hamptons for a while," he proclaims as he plays with his new hand gun at his hotel room that he's renting at the South Fork Inn.

"Good," she states as her jaw clenches tightly, "You helped me take care of my problem, I helped you with yours, now we're even."

"And what was my problem?" he asks, his tongue curling under his teeth.

"Intimacy, always intimacy," she reveals as she hangs up the phone.

She just can't deal with another disappointment right now and thinking back to the good old days wasn't going to help. She had enough going on with trying to find her mother. She is trying desperately to learn the ins and outs of Kara Wallace Clarke's life but everything is so complicated and hidden. She has to dig deep and she's glad that she doesn't have to do it alone.

Holding her cell phone in her hand, her number always changing for safety precautions she sets it in her pocket before searching her home for Nolan. She doesn't want to call his name and make him come to her like a dog. She doesn't want him to see that she thinks about him when he isn't in her sights.

Emily Thorne finds him in the dining room, his pink lips catching droplets of pear nectar from the first bite.

"Hello beautiful," he purrs which makes her feel a little better that she's wearing frumpy pajamas that do nothing for her body.

"Don't make a mess," she tells him as she sits by his side to look over his computer, hoping and praying he's not watching porn of any sort.

"It's safe," he murmurs as he pulls out a chair for her, the seats draped in frothy looking cream cushions.

She peeks over at his computer screen to see he's talking to investors through email about Nolcorp.

"My father was an investor," she states the obvious.

He nods and turns his attention to her eyes, "The very best…"

His eyes catch the date on the corner of his computer where the mini calendar is, the days are moving faster than he would like.

"Your birthday's coming up," he adds as he smiles very softly, very subtly.

"I'm aware Nolan," she confirms with him before he shuts his laptop with a slamming force making her jump a bit since she's so used to his smooth movements.

"I want to take you out, somewhere nice…" he says as he leans back in his chair, knowing she's going to say no almost immediately.

"That isn't necessary," she utters as she wraps locks of her yellow hair around her finger.

"You and I have a very important date Ems, and we can't be late…" he says as he wags his finger at her, letting her know not to mess with him. He's been slowly try to build his confidence.

"What would Ms. Padma Lahari say about this?" she asks as she pulls her hair up into a messy bun.

"She's out of the picture for now. The only thing she's sharing right now is my company," he says as he rests his chin on his hands. "I'm all yours."

* * *

Chinese lanterns fill the room and create a glow that even warms her and usually nothing can accomplish that except thoughts of the past with young Jack and her father on the beach or with Sammy.

She remembers this place, she's been here before because as we all know, Emily Thorne never forgets, and neither does Amanda Clarke. She remembers all the horrid things that have happened to her but thankfully she remembers the good too. The only things she can't seem to remember are memories of her mother from when she was five years old but she blames the stress and trauma for the loss of those moments.

He watches her finger a pair of chopsticks as if she's getting ready to use them as a weapon but then realizes she's just trying to remember how to properly use them. She remembers very quickly as she lived in Japan a long while during her training with Satoshi Takeda. She still wonders what his endgame is in all of this but she thinks it's to help Aiden take down The Initiative, a goal he wants for himself and for her but she still doesn't trust him. He realized that after she knocked him unconscious but then forgave her knowing her trust issues.

He told her that her want to find her mother was getting in the way of the bigger issue at hand, finding out what The Initiative really was and who the members were. Deep down she knew he was correct in his assumptions but she still had these roots so thick from her past and the need to reach out and bloom toward them.

"Do you remember this place?" he asks as he lets the tiny waitress with the small dainty hands pour more herbal tea into his little painted cup.

"I never forget Nolan, you know that…" she declares as she looks proud with herself.

He sees the corners of her mouth curl into a smile and knows that she's opening herself up to having a good time, to just relaxing.

"We met here around what was it, 2002?" he says as he stares into his tea letting his eyes take in the color almost like honey. "You ate fast, didn't want to smell the flowers," he recalls.

She shrugs and cocks her head, looking at the menu even though she already knows she wants to order crab rangoons and an assorted variety of vegetable dumplings with extra duck sauce.

"There was no time to back then, besides, I was too high to care anyway…" she says as she keeps her eyes off of him. She can hear him almost choke on his own spit.

"You were high?" he asks, trying not to cough up a lung and gag on his tea. He wasn't expecting her to say that.

"We're not all saints Nolan, especially not me…" she reveals as she takes the hot mug in her hands and sips.

"How very out of the blue for you…" he says, not hiding what he thinks, he's usually the honest type unless his honesty gets in the way of his own agenda.

"So why are we here? Do you think our story is some kind of fairytale? That it had to come back to this moment?" she asks, sounding a little bitter in her tone.

He's confused at first but tries as always to see it her way. "There's no bippity boppity boo here Ems, just me and you at a good place for takeout or eat in…"

"What's your agenda?" she wonders as she sets her menu aside.

"Must everything come with a motive?" he counters as he does the same with his, mimicking her action.

"Most people do…" she replies sounding cold. She's taken aback by his kindness and deep down she's stuck in the tragic state where she still thinks everyone is out to get her. She still thinks an act of kindness must be rewarded; no one can just do something nice out of the kindness of their heart. "What do you want from me?"

He listens very intently to her voice and realizes she sounds vulnerable and quiet, almost pained.

"I don't want anything Ems, just to spend some time with you. Friends hang, they chill, they drink, they eat…haven't you ever seen The Breakfast Club?" he asks, thinking of the first movie that pops into his head which deals with some sort of friendship.

"That's not the point, the point is…" but before she says her next line a group of warm eyed waitresses come out singing Happy Birthday in Chinese, a language she understands as well. They have their own little tune to go with it and they hold a bowl of green tea ice cream with a pink candle in it. Nolan laughs to himself as he watched her cheeks blush with embarrassment; she isn't used to this kind of attention when she's not playing Emily Thorne, helpful neighbor, caring friend, charitable volunteer, doting girlfriend.

She gladly accepts the bowl of ice cream before eying Nolan, the waitresses going back to work.

"What's the point again?" he asks as he crosses his arms and leans back, looking quite pleased with himself even though he knows she's going to kick his ass later.

She doesn't speak, only flicks her ice cream spoon at him, the ice cream splattering on his shirt but he doesn't mind, he'll just buy a new one. Money isn't an issue and it never was even when he was shopping out of goodwill bins.

"Happy Birthday Amanda," he whispers as she blows out the candle.


	5. Something Like This

They talk close, they always have. When they converse there's not a lot of room between them, as if they are trying to keep their voices to a minimum. Every line that comes out of their mouths are secrets; little private things no one else can hear. He can feel her breath at his neck and it instantly warms him all over. He feels like he belongs to her and with Aiden gone for now, he feels even closer, like nothing can keep them apart.

"Say that again," he whispers even though they are standing in his old living room, everything draped with white sheets.

The only person who is there is a real estate agent who is surveying the house but they can never be too careful.

"I think the White Haired Man, Gordon Murphy was involved with my mother, romantically…intimately."

Nolan's face gives off a distinct look of disgust and he shudders, his shoulders slumping.

"You've got to be kidding me? She was boinking Professor White?! Gross…" he says as Emily just raises a brow at his nickname.

"I wish I was," she declares as she crosses her arms, hearing the real estate agent talk on the phone. "So you're finally selling this place?" she changes the subject.

"Found a buyer with big pockets, loves the helipad…"he references but then turns to her, his hand on her shoulder. "Hey don't go jumping off the matter at hand Ems…"

"Gordon Murphy is dead, blood was spilled. I think me and my mother…we both have a lot of explaining to do," she murmurs as she lets her hand run over the dusty mantel she didn't even know he had.

"Sure you don't want to keep this place, could build a lot of memories with all this space, great for a family."

"The only family I need is you Amanda," he purrs as he caresses his arm, the same spot he once touched when she asked him to move out for his own safety.

"Trust me Nolan, you don't want me…"

* * *

New York City, 2008

"Tell me you want me…" purrs the woman called Angel who dons all white. She might as well be wearing wings and a halo and she's trying way too hard to be innocent for him but it's not innocence he needs. What he needs right now is company. This isn't the first time Nolan Ross has paid someone for comfort and it won't be the last.

"I want you…" Nolan says, always wanting to please even though he's not even in the mood for sex, only conversation.

"Tell me what you like," she voices as she straddles him, her strong thighs holding herself up in place like she's floating in midair. She's used to this position even though she flutters her eyelashes like it's her first time.

Nolan can't answer her question; he doesn't know what he likes. He likes everything, he's a contradiction.

"Wait a second, I recognize you…." She coos as her eyes light up like she's just seen the face of God in her coffee.

"Do you?" he asks, enjoying the recognition since it is fairly new at this point, at least at this scale.

"Nolan…Ross," she says as his name spills off of her cherry red lips that look a little too doll some.

"Thought we weren't exchanging names," he expresses as he lets his hands rest on her hips, feeling how soft her skin is.

"I told you mine," she coos as she leans down to kiss along his neck, his eyes instantly closing as her blonde hair falls in her face letting him take in her scent.

"I don't think Angel was the name you were born with," he mutters as he is surrounded by the smell of soap, nothing more nothing less.

"Do you really want to play the name game when you could be…" she pulls back before whispering some very foul things into his ear.

He tries to forget her name, who he is with and that he's paid for company. Flipping her over onto her back he takes control as she talks dirty but he tunes her out.

Like always, he has someone else on his mind.

* * *

Rebun Island Hokkaido, Japan 2008

Winter is coming; they can feel it in the air when they train. Their lips get chapped quickly here and the only comfort they can find is in each other.

"Amanda!" he calls to her as he runs with her through a dark forest looking for checkpoints and training their eyes.

She doesn't answer him, that's not her name anymore.

He calls out her name again before resorting to Emily. She slows down to take a breath and wipes her mouth. She feels like she's going to cough up blood as the cold air fills her lungs.

"You okay?" he wonders as she keeps her eyes on the prize, the area ahead.

"Oh, you care now?" she responds with a bark in her voice and some pep in her step as she walks away from him in the darkness, the small amount of light making the trees create almost human like shadows in the distance.

"Don't be like that," he says as he catches up to her with little trouble, twigs crunching under his boots.

She snaps her neck to face him, not looking pleased with him. "I'm sick of these games, I'm sick of this place. I've been here for more than a year…"

He cuts her off, "I've been here longer."

"What is it getting you Aiden? What have you gotten from all this?" she asks as she rolls her eyes, sick of everything.

"It's getting me closer to my sister. As an only child you wouldn't know anything about that bond…" he growls as he holds her shoulder.

She pulls him off of her and flips him to the ground. "Don't you act as if you know me or my past…"

They breathe deeply, fueled up with a certain sexual tension between them.

She's sick of playing his games, of playing Satoshi Takeda's games. She's had enough over the years but yet she keeps coming back and she will always come back even despite everything. Maybe it helps balance her, focus her, she isn't sure.

Her relationship with Aiden is like cat and mouse only neither of them is ever sure who has what role and it seems to change daily.

She will soon begin to trust him but later regret it more than once, especially once she opens up to him about her past.

"We're playing the same game," he coos to her like he's singing a medley.

"If that were true then you would know to back off, you would stay out of my way," she proclaims almost testing him. She needs to test people in her life if they want to remain close.

"I just can't stay away from you, you know that…" he flirts as he tries to arch up into her to kiss her. Placing her hand over his mouth she shakes her head, greatly disapproving.

"This is not the time, nor the place," she snarls before releasing him and running in the opposite direction, her instincts finally setting in that the finish line was in another direction all together.

She would see if he would follow her into the depths of hell.

* * *

Sparring with Nolan Ross was not as she imagined it would be. She figures even with the training he'd still be a quivering mess on the ground but thankfully he was able to hold his own.

They talk through movements as they dodge each others punches. Nolan doesn't want to hurt Emily but he knows she wants him to actually give it his all.

Throwing a left handed hook Nolan is able to jab her in the ribs which makes her wheeze for a moment but she powers through the slight amount of pain that only made her wince. Sweeping his legs out from under him she watches him scramble back up to his feet.

"How are we going to handle this muffin?" he purrs as he avoids her next punch that would have collided with his bicep. It seems she doesn't want to damage the pretty that is Nolan Ross.

"Handle what?" she asks as she ducks to avoid getting practically karate chopped in the neck.

"Your mother…" he replies as he shimmies over to the left a bit, trying to place her next move before it happens.

"We handle her, just as we've been handling her," she declares as she whacks him in the back of the head, something he doesn't see coming. He shrugs it off and goes to grab her hair but she makes a _tsk tsk _sound with her tongue and teeth.

"None of that…" she coos knowing he'll behave next time. "If you want to _**be **_a professional, than you have to _**act **_like a professional. The moves aren't going to come to you, you have to make them your own and go with the flow," she states, trying to create her own words of wisdom.

She has never been a teacher of any craft before, only a student. The both of them have much to learn as they are still young and very much tender souls who had been hurt beyond repair. Perhaps they could repair each other.

"Don't you think once we find your mother that we should tell her what happened to Gordon?" he asks as he is able to wrap his arm around her neck, pulling her back up to his chest, sweat dripping off both of them from the summer heat.

"Let Aiden take care of that, it's his dirty work, I just dumped the evidence," she proclaims as she holds his arm in place, steadying herself before using his own move against him and taking him down.

Practically lying on top of him she takes a breath as they perspire and think, trapped in their own heads.

"And how exactly did you MacGyver up a way to get rid of the body?"

"I'm a professional Nolan," is her response as she pulls herself up and off of him using muscles she hasn't used in a while.

She wants to be in the best shape of her life so she is definitely going to take his offer when he asks her to help him train so he can be a big hero. Every bit helps.

"Everything will come to light sooner or later Ems…" he reminds her as he brushes his shoulders off so to speak.

"That's the plan."


	6. Goes Down Smooth

**The Year 2000,**

He speaks in volumes and whatever comes out of his mouth, Nolan Ross takes to heart. He lets his fingers tap on the glass that confines him and takes notice of the circumference around him. His environment is bland and it pains him to know that his daughter is in a place just like this for a crime she committed only to protect herself from being put in harm's way.

He didn't mean for her to get into any of this and of course he doesn't know all of the details. He still doesn't and although Nolan knows all about what happened to Amanda Clarke to put her in Allenwood, he doesn't share with David. David doesn't need to know about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her foster father and countless others.

Nolan finds kindness in David Clarke's eyes which leads him to trust him and care for him more than he's ever cared for anyone. When he's with David he flashes to his own childhood and the verbal and physical abuse he has encountered but tries to keep a clear head. His life isn't just his life anymore; he has to live for Amanda who will need his help in the coming future.

Nolan Ross has always been one not to disappoint or break promises even if things get hard and he feel like he can't take anymore. He made a promise to his mother that he would take care of her and thus kept taking the torture from his father until he was able to go to college even though he could have been an emancipated minor. Once he went to college though he didn't look back, especially when his mother couldn't stand up for him. She couldn't protect him from the pain he had suffered at the hands of his father who used him as a whipping post. That hurt most of all, the fact that she chose her husband over the well-being of her son because she claimed she still loved him.

David was like a father to him but that didn't make Amanda Clarke his sister, just a girl he needed to help. She was a damsel in distress and for once he wanted to play the hero. He wanted to be with someone who wanted to be saved but it didn't exactly turn out that way as he would learn in the future. Amanda was kinder to him than his mother though so that helped him through his battle with his own personal demons.

Nolan watches David pick at the scruff at his face and as he looks into the man's pupils he can see that he is losing hope in here. Nolan knows he can either comfort or play journalist. He often chooses the comforting role but today he wants answers, as many as David is willing to give without being pressed for information.

"How are you doing? Nolan asks first as he shifts in the metal chair they have provided him.

"Best I can in here Nolan," David replies as he keeps his weight on his heels and keeps the tension in his shoulder. There's no relaxing in prison.

"Wish I could say I'm here with good news," Nolan tells him as he clutches the phone in his hand with a tight grip. He wishes he could just spring David free…if wishes were horses.

"Not much good news these days it seems…" he says as he cocks his head to the side, just watching the grungy boy before him to see what he does next.

"The company's doing well…so that's something," Nolan declares as he runs his fingers through his hair which has been freshly washed, he needs to go to a Laundromat though.

"I'm glad I invested then. Even if it was a giant failure, what do I have to lose?" he jokes but it's all very tragic and sad.

Nolan wonders why David even invested with him in the first place but chalks it up to luck or fate. He's curious but he doesn't ask. He'll keep it as one of life's many mysteries.

"David, I have questions…" he purrs and David just listens, waiting to see what this man with the dark dyed hair will have to say.

"And I have answers," he murmurs almost in a smug questions, everything almost tightening up in the room since he's so used to getting this from lawyers and the media and of course there was Mason Treadwell who he trusted and then his words were twisted to appease the Grayson family.

"I've been thinking a lot about my family lately, where I come from. I was just wondering if Amanda remembers anything about her mother…" he voices as he slumps back in his chair like he feels guilty about asking the question in the first place. He wonders if some things are off topic between the two.

"Amanda's mother was a very sick woman. I'm not certain of what Amanda remembers of their time together for it was very short. Amanda's mother was in and out of her life for…undisclosed reasons…" he says, keeping a lid on a very big pot that Nolan wanted to stir up.

A guard taps on the window to let David know that his time with the budding millionaire is coming to an end for today. Nolan hopes isn't the last he will see of David, he's only just getting started.

"You need to leave so soon?" Nolan asks like a lost little boy who has just been told he won't be seeing his father for a very long time. He enjoys his time with David who has taken him under his wing and in return Nolan is a song bird.

He just has to find his tune throughout all the darkness.

David nods and stands upright, his blue jumpsuit a faded color after all these years. Everything about him is fading now and Nolan wonders what David must have been like when he was full of life.

"We'll talk more about this Nolan, some other time," he conveys before he is swept away by the guards. He gives Nolan a half-hearted wave and Nolan does the same as begins to think about what little Amanda Clarke is dealing with at her stint in Juvenile Detention.

He hopes she too doesn't fade away as he will tonight in the little bar across from his apartment. He'll fade away until there's nothing left because being numb is better than feeling every little thing.

* * *

**Rebun Island Hokkaido, Japan 2008**

She pulls away before their tongues can duel just as their personalities often do. Aiden wants more but she isn't ready to give it. Wiping his taste from her mouth she dilutes their kiss by taking a swig of whiskey that he's hidden underneath the floorboards along with stale chocolate chip cookies that likely expired a year ago.

He leans in but she presses a finger to his lips, warning him not to come any closer.

"I kissed you on a dare, that was it Aiden…" she says letting him know his advances are not welcome even though their first kiss left fireworks going off deep within the pit of her belly.

Her core aches for him but now is not the time or place. She has to be focused as he tells her all the time if she ever wants results.

"That was more than a dare and you know it. You're afraid if you admit it's anything more than you'll lose focus that you'll give into your desires…."

"That's just something I can't afford to do right now," she cuts him off as she takes another sip of the strong liquid, coating her mouth with the burnt flavor.

"What do your instincts tell you?" he asks as he lets his fingers move along the inside of her thigh. She doesn't stop him, just closes her eyes and enjoys the human contact she hasn't gotten in years, not since Emily Thorne who was very close to her in Allenwood.

"To remember everything and never forget, to keep the vengeance burning inside of me, to not let anyone in…" she proclaims as she moves his hand to her knee. "And yours?" she wonders.

"To let you in…" he declares as he looks into her dark eyes.

"Am I going to bring back your sister?" she asks, protesting his words, trying to make him see that she is not the way and she's already wrapped up in her own problems to deal with his too.

"No, but you can help me deal with the pain of losing her," he says as he shrugs, for once looking even more vulnerable than her.

"What's the story with your sister? Who took her?" she asks as she leans forward, curious about his back story.

"The mob, she got involved in some bad stuff and I didn't know who else to turn to. They told me if I got involved with the police she would be dead faster than I could blink so I turned to Satoshi Takeda for help. He seems to be the go-to guy when it comes to these kinds of things…"

"The vengeance master, yeah I get it…" she murmurs as she shakes her head disapprovingly. "How did your sister even get involved with them in the first place?" Amanda asks as she wipes the cookie crumbs off the front of her black tank top.

"Her boyfriend at the time was doing work for them; he had her help him out on a few things without her knowledge. She got too involved and didn't know how to ask for help until it was too late…" he says as he looks into his lap, his jaw clenching as if he didn't want to go on. "We were very close," he adds as he goes to the side of the room, grabs his own mat and places it down next to hers like they were enjoying a sleepover.

Usually Takeda kept them apart but he always found a way into her room just to talk and have some company. Sometimes they got sick of each other but they got sick of most things with Satoshi, they learned to live with it all.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your sister Aiden," she tells him as she squeezes his hand, feeling closer to him after talking about his sister finally after all of these silent months, months of talking but never really understanding and learning.

"Thank you"

* * *

**PRESENT DAY**

"Thank you" he says as he passes the bread back to her at the dinner table they share. The two of them eating together is now a common occurrence. It gives them a semblance of home, of family, of love.

It's where business gets done and they are also able to relax for a few minutes before the search for her mother is back on and all the drama with Jack and Amanda comes back into balance.

Emily wishes she can tuck away all the badness and save it for a rainy day but just knowing The Graysons are happy and healthy puts a frown on her face. They have to pay; more and more people do with each coming day. If they've hurt her father or mother and now even Jack, Nolan and Charlotte, they are going down.

"You're welcome," she states as she butters her bread, taking a breath as she listens to him hum as he does the same. "You're a good cook Nolan, maybe I should keep you around," she teases.

He smiles softly, looking into his dish. "There's a lot you don't know about me Ems."

"Apparently," she purrs as she thinks about coming events. "Are we going to that Grayson gala? The masquerade party?" she asks but before she can get out her next sentence he interjects.

"I found your mother."

"What?" she asks quickly as she drops her fork onto the floor. Her heart begins to race, she can't feel her legs and she's lost her appetite almost instantly.

"I'll explain more later I've got to jet set out of here…big Nolcorp meeting…" he tells her as she nearly tackles him. She puts her hand on his shoulder and glares in his direction as she looks down on him, clearly showing dominance and power.

"Sit DOWN" she barks and he instantly falls back onto his chair like a good little dog. "You can't just drop something like this on me and expect me not to want answers Nolan," she says, her voice lingering in the air.

"It's complicated Ems, really complicated. I remembered something your father told me once about a place they would often go, just the two of them. Sure Aiden found her once but that was easy, this…this was more personal," he proclaims as he taps his knuckles against the wood before him.

"Why would my mother grieve for Gordon Murphy at a place she used to go with my father?" she asks him as she paces before him, still not letting him move an inch.

Nolan shrugs as he looks up at her, scared to do so but taking a risk anyway. He's taken enough risks lately to let this one slide. "She's free of ol' Snowy's control and power over her? I don't know Amanda," he says using her birth given name.

She feels shaken up inside so much so that she practically sits on his lap, everything finally hitting her. Nolan doesn't touch her as she shares his narrow seat only listens and waits to see if she needs him for anything.

"Where is she?" she asks before standing up, her leadership role taking charge.

"At a place called Kent Falls in Connecticut, she's hiding out there. I don't know her exact location but I can track her by coordinates and get her to come to The Hamptons if I pose as Gordon."

"Do that," she says as she sits back down at the table, collecting her thoughts and her fork.

* * *

**2001: Allenwood Juvenile Detention Center for Girls**

"Do that…" she giggles as Emily Thorne tickles her thigh and doesn't stop "And I'll really kill you…" Amanda Clarke tells her curly haired friend as they sit in cell block D with nothing else to do but share physical contact.

Amanda Clarke watches Emily stop as she tucks her shoulder length black hair behind her ears. She tries to contain her laughter but Emily's hands are all over her, no inch going untouched.

Being tickled like this makes her think of her mother and how they would laugh together in the heat of the summer. She isn't sure if this memory is a good one or not, she has such few memories of the woman to begin with since she was around five when her mother passed away from an illness that she cannot remember.

Amanda pulls back, retreats into herself which causes Emily Thorne to wonder. "Amanda? You okay? Did I do something wrong?" she asks, her teeth clenching as she speaks because that's where she keeps her stress, in her jaw.

Amanda shakes her head and turns to her friend, her one and only, her sister, her more than a sister. They only have each other in here after all. "You're okay, I was just thinking about my mom again."

"I think about mine a lot too, she was a junkie. I'm glad I never went down that road…" she states as she pulls Amanda into her. She expects Amanda to pull away again but she folds into her, nestled against the warmth of her neck.

"I wish I could remember more about her and dad never wanted to talk about her. I have so many questions, they keep me awake at night," she reveals as she bites her lower lip in order to feel something after feeling numb from her solitary thoughts.

"Your dad never wanted to talk about any of it?" she asks as she starts to braid Amanda's hair, something she will later get even better at while working at The Beaver Dam.

"He was a very private person when it came to her and he could have very well lied. I guess he's just a liar then…he managed to kill a bunch of people, didn't see that coming…I can't trust him, and guess I never can take anything he's ever said to heart…"

"You don't have any doubts about what he did? Do you think he could be innocent?" Emily asks as she tosses her mane of curls over her shoulders.

"I…I don't know," she reveals as she suffers through a sudden case of indigestion. Getting up she crawls into her best like a little lamb awaiting slaughter.

Emily watches on and tucks her in before crawling into her own bed, the top bunk. She wonders if she will hear Amanda Clarke cry tonight.

She doesn't, no…not tonight.

* * *

**2002**

Things are getting quiet and even in this cell everything seems out of place. David Clarke is out of range from everyone and everything, his only visitor now being Nolan Ross. He likes the boy but he wishes his daughter can visit him so he can explain.

He has so much to tell.

The guard leads him to his usual metal chair and table in front of the glass wall. David reaches for the phone before him and he for an instant thinks about all the germs that cover it. He has bigger fish to fry but sometimes his mind still wanders to things he used to worry about.

Nolan runs a hand through his dark hair, he looks a bit frantic this time and breathes heavy like he ran all the way to get here, and David wouldn't put it past him.

David looks up at Nolan, the man taller than him. He doesn't say hello but his eyes do the talking. Nolan listens, all ears.

"I need to tell Amanda everything; she needs to know the truth about her mother."


	7. Parallels

The lighting is dim and all she really focuses on is Nolan across the table from her, a candle sitting between them as a guiding light. She wonders why he's brought her here; perhaps another dinner date? She fidgets, not enjoying being in the dark.

"Why did you bring me here?" she asks, getting straight to the point. She has no time for games or lies or cryptic languages.

"Can't a fella just bring his girl to a fancy place and shower her with gifts and chocolate?" he asks which makes her pout. He's already failed the test.

She wonders what he'd be like on Valentine's Day. He'd probably show up at her place with a parade at her doorstep. Maybe he'd go old school with a boom box over his head. She's glad they're just friends, she doesn't need the attention.

"Nolan," she hisses out his name to let him know who he is dealing with at the moment.

"Emily, I told you I've found your mother. She is here. Tonight," he says, cutting straight to the point, finally acknowledging her wish.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she says out loud, usually not one to curse, all those etiquette classes taught her to cut back if she ever wanted to get along in high society.

"Wish all of this could be a joke but it's not…I brought you here for a reason and not just for the incredibly good shrimp I read about on …" he purrs as he watches her flinch.

She prepares her body and mind to see her mother after all these years; she hardly remembers her face in memories. She was so young when her mother was taken from her.

"Nolan, a warning would have been nice…" she barks as she tosses her cloth napkin aside, no longer wanting it in her lap.

She doesn't know how she wants much of anything right now, her heads a mess and her…roommate? Friend? Whatever Nolan's title is, he isn't helping much with balancing her chi.

"It's all been very spontaneous! I only just found out about this mere minutes ago – hence the rushing and the both of us looking like we just crawled out of a welfare bin…" he states as he buries his face in his hands. "I thought you'd want to see her…it's not like she's going to recognize you."

"How do you know? How do we even know that Gordon didn't show her my picture or tell her who I was? We're in the dark Nolan, and you've put me there…" she trails off in a hushed whisper, her eyes setting on Kara Wallace Clarke who arrives alone for dinner.

The woman looks like she is prepared to meet someone here, maybe she even tells a waitress to bring over two menus but she'll be waiting forever unless Emily decides to join her table for a nice meal. She wonders if she can just tell her she's Emily Thorne and recruit her onto her side but she knows sooner or later her mother will find out what happened to Gordon Murphy and how she was involved. In the end the reality of the situation will bring itself forward and she doesn't necessarily want to be there when the truth comes out for show and tell.

"She's hereee, "Nolan says in a sing-songy voice, referencing the 1982 film, Poltergeist.

Emily doesn't say anything back; she doesn't need to play into his dialogue since she can't even fathom words right now.

She watches the woman tuck her long blonde hair behind her ear, something Emily often does herself but not usually in public. She has weird little quirks about the character of Emily Thorne that she plays. Emily keeps her hair the same way most of the time and doesn't fidget while Amanda Clarke can never sit still; she constantly keeps her hands busy and she loves to get down and dirty. She plays with her hair and runs her fingers through it until it's greasy and she needs to take a shower. She bites her lip and peels the skin off of them. She bites the inside of her cheek till it's bleeding. These are things Emily Thorne just doesn't do. She wonders if her mother has any of the same destructive habits she does and if she got it from Kara in the first place.

Emily's body stirs and her fingers begin to tap against the table; Nolan isn't facing the direction of Kara Clarke so he doesn't know what Emily is watching exactly. All he can do is watch her facial expressions.

Reaching his hand across the table, sliding the candle out of the way he grips her hand to ground her. He'll be her anchor when she needs it. She pulls her hand away with a little gasp and he pulls back just the same. He's never seen her like this, actually scared. She's terrified of her mother and the threat she holds. She's terrified her mother will hate her once she knows the truth. She's terrified that the woman even exists in the first place when she thought she was dead for so many years.

She doesn't know if her mother will ever know the truth about her, if her mother will ever get a chance to know her daughter by blood and not the one Amanda made up in cell block D as an escape plan if she ever needed a way out of her horrid life. She didn't like the media breathing down her neck and she wonders if her mother ever had to deal with that, or maybe her mother was using a fake ID so she never had any troubles with it.

She wonders if life has been cruel and unjust to her mother as it has to her. She is itching to move, jumping in her own skin. Emily tries to stand up but Nolan clasps her hand in his much larger one, his digits enveloping hers.

"Look but don't touch," he warns her, keeping her in place, holding her back. She doesn't like being controlled; she is used to the one having the control over everything.

She feels rage and frustration build up inside of her before she leans into him, nearly gripping him by the collar as she pulls him into her. "Why the hell did you bring me here Nolan? To punish me?" she asks and before he can get a word out she's gone.

She always has had a knack for disappearing when the going gets rough. She either makes someone pay or runs.

Tonight she runs.

* * *

Aiden Mathis contemplates life over a chilled beer and a good book. He gets lost in the words as he settles onto the couch after moving around his New York City apartment trying to find his page. He's getting deep into the chapter, his imagination running wild when he hears a knock at his door. He's confused at first because he's new here and no one knows where he lives.

It must be a pizza delivery gone awry but he grabs a paring knife, thin and discreet, and shoves it up his sleeve just in case the person on the other side of the door is a threat.

Peering through the peephole he sees blonde hair and assumes Emily Thorne has found his humble abode. He doesn't know many blondes, not any natural ones anyway.

He reaches for the doorknob and opens it; she reaches for his windpipe.

Slamming him against the wall she seduces him with dark eyes, a talent that isn't a hidden one between the two.

He chuckles breathlessly against her motion.

"How can I help you?" he chokes out.

"Did you lead him to her?" she asks in a domineering voice that can break down constellations in the sky.

He raises a brow and thinks for a second, trying to remember everyone he's ever hurt, every plan he's ever put in motion, every lie, every story, every moment.

Nope, nothing comes to mind.

"What are you on about love?" he asks as her grip tightens and he begins to feel dizzy. He also kind of likes the feeling but he knows he shouldn't tell her that now.

_Think Aiden, Think. _

"Nolan found my mother and I don't think he did it alone, I think you had a hand in that," she suggests as she tries to relax her shoulders, thinking that's the key to get the rest of her body to loosen up. She hopes the rest will follow this movement.

"I really didn't…You know me Amanda, you know if I had a hand in finding your mother again that I would shove it in your face. You know how I love to brag…" he purrs with a sly smile.

She releases him and then waltzes into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. Red wine looks good in the large glass she finds that's hollowed out like a soup bowl.

"You're welcome," he says as he watches her peruse in his kitchen like she owns the place, opening drawers, but not closing them, looking for a corkscrew.

"I didn't say thank you," she responds as she has success finding the corkscrew. She pops the cork off the bottle and throws the corkscrew on the counter, cork still attached. She leaves the mess for him to clean up yet again.

"We could talk you know. Talking might be better than drinking on an empty stomach," he says knowing that she probably forgot to eat or was too upset to do so.

"Don't worry about me Aiden," she replies as she takes a deep breath to center herself. She finds that she's doing that a lot lately. "Everything is going to be just fine."

* * *

Nolan doesn't have anyone left to turn to in the area except maybe his Aunt Carole but he doesn't want to bother her at this hour. He knows she'll get out of bed with her curlers in her hair and her fuzzy worn ballet slippers that are probably 15 years old at this point and answer the phone, but he'd rather let her sleep.

The usually generous man isn't feeling very generous and charitable tonight as he goes to Padma Lahari's New York City apartment to have someone to lean on. He knows going in on this that he's just using her for a familiar face to talk to but she does owe him one after exposing to the world that his company was made possible by a known terrorist after he was found guilty. While Nolan has no shame in David because he knows of his innocence, the rest of the world isn't as convinced.

After Padma dropped subtle hints that Nolan was invested by David Clarke explosions ricocheted through the walls of the Nolcorp Enterprises and it blew a hole in his business. Numbers declined, clients were lost and money seemed to just fly out the window. He had to pay people off and let people go and now his business seemed to be worth millions instead of billions. Both he and Emily were losing money but that didn't much matter to him, he just didn't want anyone else getting hurt because he trusted someone other than himself and Amanda Clarke.

She comes to the door in a lime green robe that is very bright against her skin but instantly he likes it, enjoying the color against her tone. "Nolan, what are you doing here?" she asks as she tightens the belt around her waist to hold everything in place.

"Didn't mean to wake you…"

She cuts him off "Wasn't sleeping… I'm a night owl like yourself," she adds as she thinks of the nights they've spent together.

"Here to gloat or to fire me again?" she asks as she goes into the kitchen to stop the tea kettle from screaming its top off. He stays in place before following and then the two settle in the living room which has a rustic feel to it and he swears there's a rooster statue near the bookshelf. He never felt like the apartment matched the girl but what did he know? What did he care at this point really?

"I'm here to do neither of those things. I don't blame you…much, you did what you thought was morally the right thing to do. I mean, you could have asked me about my relationship with David Clarke but, whatever…dust in the wind," he expresses as he plops down on the sofa, holding onto a pillow.

"So… what does bring you here Nolan?" she asks as she sits across from him, wishing that she had grabbed her tea while she was in the kitchen. She'll just let it brew a bit longer, train her taste buds to like the strong stuff.

"I had a fight with Emily," he reveals as he fiddles with his thumbs.

She almost scoffs, he can hear it in her throat like it's a monster wanting to come out and show itself.

"Of course you did…it always leads to her doesn't it? I should have known from the very start how mad for her you are…"

"What do you mean?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

"You're delirious. You're in denial about your feelings for her, it's why you couldn't feel anything for me," she says as she gets up to retrieve her tea. She'll let him stew in his own juices for a while.

_Think about that one Nolan…_

She comes back with a steaming mug in her hand, one for him as well. It's a nice gesture but it isn't going to make up for pretty much ruining his company although he too had a hand at that.

Forgive and forget.

He knows he can't talk about how he found Emily's mother and how hard that is for the both of them but it limits what they can talk about. Maybe Padma will be inspired and talk at him, he won't mind as long as he has a distraction.

* * *

When he gets back home, which also happens to be Amanda's home, he sees he's the first one there as he can't spot her car anywhere in the lot. It crosses his mind that she may have parked it elsewhere. Going up the steps, he sees a little white envelope on the porch and takes it inside for her as it says _Emily Thorne _across the front.

He sits and stares at that envelope for a look time just waiting for her.

He almost falls asleep on the couch until the key twisting in the lock jolts him awake. When she comes in, she just looks at him and he is instantly aware of his surroundings again. He smells coffee, and wonders absentmindedly if the alarm was set on the coffeemaker.

She walks past him without saying a word and spots the same white envelope he was fixated on in the eat-in kitchen. Taking it he watches her slip her nail under the paper and unfold the package. Out comes a decorative card. She looks at it, reads it and puts it back in its cover like it never even happened.

It's not till she approaches him that she mutters a peep. "Looks like we're going to a party."

"We?" he asks as he sits up a bit more on the cream colored sofa.

"You didn't get an invite?" she asks. He suddenly turned on to the idea that someone may have sent him an E-vite instead since he's so tech savvy and no one really knows his address anymore. Finding the invite in his e-mail he gives her a tiny smile, something to let her know they're on the same page when it comes to this.

"Looks like…" he purrs, his tongue pressed against his lips.

"It's a masquerade party so we're going to need masks made," she says as she rolls her eyes, another thing she has to get done in the midst of everything else. She doesn't feel like playing dress up but she knows she has to if she wants to fit into the world.

"I'm on it," he replies, wanting to help her out as much as he can.

"See to it that it's done," she demands as she walks toward the stairs to retreat for the night.

"Victoria Grayson already wears a mask," he murmurs and he gets a head turn from Emily, one last look.

"Well I say it's about time we pull that mask off and see Victoria for who she really is…"


	8. Conditions

She feels as though she sleeps on a bed of thorns and if she moves a certain way during the night that she will wake up with bruises and holes in her skin. She gets pins and needles as she sleeps. She finds herself tossing and turning and ultimately she wakes up in cold sweat. Clutching her sheets she wakes with a gasp and realizes she's had a nightmare, old memories of her mother. She can't tell what this one is though because it's all very flashy. She remembers water and being held under but right now that's about it but there could also be a sense of denial, the trigger too harsh.

She remembers her lungs filling with water and then the breath of air when the water is expelled from her body. She remembers her mother's voice and her father screaming her name in the distance.

She forces the memory down, somehow knowing that it's traumatic and practically crawls to Nolan's room feeling immobilized.

For some reason he sleeps with the door ajar and she wonders if it's because he thinks he's going to offer her some sort of protection.

She doesn't need his protection though, she's a big girl.

She peeks in very quickly and sees a light blaring from his laptop, the light emanating from his lap where it belongs. He hears the floor creak ever so slightly and looks up but sees nothing because she moves away, not wanting to look like she's spying on him.

"Emily?" he calls to her as he puts his laptop aside and moves on his bed, his Felix the cat pajama bottoms making a squish sound against his skin. He doesn't even remember buying them and for some reason he doesn't think they belong to him.

Emily takes a breath outside his room, leaning against the wall before banging the back of her skull against it. She comes into view a moment later.

"It's me Nolan," she says, hoping he thinks she's just up to get a glass of water before bed. The other part of her hopes he asks her what's wrong.

"Bad dream?" he repeats and she swears he's asked her this before.

She hesitates for a moment before leaning in the door frame and looks in his general direction although not making eye contact. She makes sure of that.

"Nightmare," she finally replies before she admires his pants trying to figure out the cartoon. "Sit down, share, welcome to my little abode," he says as she listens to him, for once not able to be in a position to argue.

"I remember drowning," she says as she looks in her lap, her pajamas a pale yellow.

Nolan takes a breath and thinks very hard back to things she's told him in the past. "Are you sure your dream wasn't you taking your stress about your mother and mixing it with the training Master Satoshi had you doing over the summer with Mr. Chokes a lot," he expresses.

"This was real Nolan, this was vivid…I couldn't remember before but I do now. The memory is unbearable and I know why I stored it away for so long, because it's painful, because it hurts. Well I am sick of hurting, I am sick of crying and wishing things were a certain way. It's time we really change them, it's time the truth starts to surface."

Nolan tends to gather his hair in his hand as he listens to her. He doesn't know what more she can be doing to get even but he knows he can help along the way, whatever it may be.

Sometimes Nolan's thoughts feel very repetitive, but that's because they are. His mission for a long time has been to serve and protect Amanda Clarke and those she holds most dear. Sometimes it's all he can think about and it even drives him mad. Sometimes he's the mad hatter and she's Alice down the Rabbit's hole.

"Play your cards right…" he almost flirts and the two of them smile at each other knowing they are unstoppable.

* * *

Victoria Grayson takes her tea at the same time every day. She doesn't often veer off schedule. Her tea is always made from loose leaves over tea bags and every morning she eats strawberries, a fruit that reminds her of Amanda Clarke who was once allergic.

The only thing Victoria Grayson has ever been allergic to is loyalty. This zebra can change her stripes at the blink of an eye or the snap of a finger, whatever benefits her. She can say a sentence and manipulate the words until the serve her. Manipulation is something her whole family is good at, except for maybe Daniel who has never been the brightest crayon in the box.

Victoria saunters around the manor, for some reason finding it too large today even though she usually loves its spacious size. The Queen never likes to feel claustrophobic. With Ashley's help she has been planning the masquerade ball and everyone has their costumes hanging up in their respective walk in closets.

Ashley comes in wearing the latest fashions in business attire, a peplum dress in the shade of plum and a fitted blazer with large pockets for her hands when she's feeling fidgety.

"Good morning Victoria," she expresses as she pours herself coffee, black with two sugars. She likes her coffee sweet but still with that bitter hint underneath it all.

Victoria eyes her but quickly turns back to her vanilla yogurt and bowl of berries. "Good morning Ashley, how did you sleep?" she asks, still not sure if she is pleased that her Daniel has been sleeping with the help.

"Like a baby," she smiles before she sips her morning savior. "Speaking of baby, isn't Amanda Clarke coming over for a visit today? I thought I saw it in the planner."

"That is correct," Victoria coos as she cuts into her peach so she doesn't make a mess. She never eats her fruit the way nature intended it to be so. Forks and knives are her friend. Victoria doesn't like making messes she can't clean up.

"Sounds like fun, what are you going to discuss? Anything I should know? The party maybe?" she wonders as she grabs a granola bar, knowing she can't be late for work and she has a commute ahead of her.

"Nothing of interest, nothing us girls can't handle," she says trying to put Ashley at ease so she doesn't ask any more questions. Victoria also doesn't like questions she can't answer. She hates answering to anyone and Conrad knows this, thus is always asking her something in order to get under her skin.

Conrad has been up her ass since she's returned and now he's planning their renewal of vows which she is not looking forward to. She wonders what he has in store for her. She doesn't even want to write her own vows and will perhaps pay someone to do it for her.

Ashley nods silently before slipping out, the two women not one for goodbyes.

On the way out Ashley runs into Amanda Clarke and she glances at her full round belly. "Hello Amanda, you're about ready to pop!"

Amanda nods, "You're telling me. The baby can't stop kicking, he's very rambunctious like his mommy," she states as she peers through the window to see Victoria finishing her morning meal.

"Victoria's just finishing breakfast, don't worry you won't be interrupting her. She's looking forward to speaking with you," Ashley proclaims as she jingles her keys. "Well I'm on my way…Will I be seeing you at the party tomorrow evening?"

Amanda shrugs and rubs her arms, seemingly a bit chilly in the morning air, not enough sun shining in her direction. "Maybe, if I get an invite…"

Ashley smiles softly before leaving the scene.

Amanda knocks and takes a breath, Emily on the other end to hear the conversation between the two. Victoria comes to the door bearing gifts, a baby present it seems by the wrapping paper.

"Hello Amanda, please do come inside. I bought this for your baby but you can open it later," she says sweetly, trying to sugar the girl up.

Thank you," Amanda says reluctantly and wouldn't be surprised if the gift was a trap or full of poison or something.

They sit on the ivory couch together and Victoria folds her hands in her lap. "Did you bring what I asked?"

Amanda nods, feeling a crook in her neck. "My father's journal." She hates being Emily's sock puppet but she loves her so much that she endures it.

"How much would it take for me to keep it in my possession?" she asks, trying to bribe her. She's done with the sweet talk; she wants what she wants when she wants it.

"I can't give you this Victoria, this was my father's and he intended for me to have it," she says as she thinks of Emily. She is able to put on this role so well because she feels for her friend. She can get in touch with her friend's past after all the nights they spent together at Allenwood in cell block D.

"Anything you want," Victoria purrs almost trying to seduce Amanda into just handing it over. She's afraid if this gets into the wrong hands that she'll be ruined. Victoria also wants to feel closer to David Clarke again even though he's given her so much trouble from a jail cell and from beyond the grave.

"You don't get it. I don't want anything from you Victoria. I can share a few passages with you but that's it," she says as she rubs her belly, trying to coax her baby from kicking her in the ribs.

Even the baby is jumpy around Victoria Grayson.

"Perhaps you can share more with me at my Masquerade ball tomorrow night," she says as she watches Amanda's face light up. She's never been to a ball before and she does love playing dress up.

"You really want me to come?" she asks and she can hear Emily on the other side tell her to say yes.

"Tell her you'll go to her party, I'm going to fill that last page in the book. We're going to give Victoria the scare of her life…she'll be putty in our hands," Emily Thorne tells her through her little ear bud.

Victoria nods as she watched Amanda Clarke grip the present she has received as well as the journal that was once in David Clarke's possession. She thinks of him writing it in prison, the place she sent him.

"Would you like to come? There will be more than enough space for one more? Especially since you're family now," she says and it makes Emily's skin crawl even though they are yards apart.

"Yes, I mean I don't know how I'm going to find a costume in time but I'll make do with what I have," she murmurs.

"Don't be silly, I'll have a dress ordered for you and you can get ready here. I know Charlotte would love to spend time with her sister," she says with a fake smile.

"Oh, okay sure," she states as she wraps things up, just wanting to get back to Emily's house. She also feels the need to shower after all that.

"I'll see you then, enjoy the gift…" she says as she walks her to the door.

"Thank you Victoria," she says as the two hug each other but it feels so wrong.

But with Victoria Grayson, nothing can ever feel right.

* * *

Emily Thorne walks through the town, the rich little village cowering in her wake. She tries to get fresh air, she needs it to deal with everything especially the fact that her mother tried to kill her when she was five years old.

She wants to take a break from everything but she knows if she stops now than nothing will ever be the same, she'll miss her chance. She can't stop the moving train, not now.

Holding a bag full of pastries for her and Nolan and Amanda if she stops by for something sweet before the party, she spots Padma Lahari walking down the street holding pink carnations. She's planning to just walk on by but Padma stops near her to say hello. She was always taught not to be rude from her grandmother.

"Padma right?" Emily asks, pretending she doesn't know who she is when she knows exactly who Padma is.

Padma nods almost excitedly as she lays her bouquet in her arms.

"Yeah, nice to see you again Emily," she conveys as she shifts her body as if she doesn't know how to present herself to the woman before her.

"How are you?" Emily Thorne asks as she feels a strange feeling settle over her skin until she realizes she is green with envy. This should not be happening but now she knows what Nolan must have felt when he saw her spending all that time with Aiden instead of him.

"Good, how's Nolan, I know after all that stuff with his father he was pretty messed up."

"His father?" she asks, completely in the blue about what she meant.

"He didn't tell you? I assumed he tells you everything. His father passed away a few weeks ago, I helped him clean out his father's storage unit."

"No he didn't," she says, feeling hurt which is strange and unusual for her. Usually something like this she would just shrug off. She'd let it roll off her shoulders like morning dew on freshly cut grass blades.

Leaving the conversation with Padma after some brief and straight to the point goodbyes she makes her way home to find a full figured Amanda on her doorstep like a stray wanting to be fed. Handing her the entire bag of pastries since she's lost her appetite she twists the key in the lock and opens it, letting them both in.

"What no hello?," asks Amanda who peers into the bag, pulling out the first evidence of chocolate clearly needing a fix.

"You did really well today," she praises her, knowing she needs to be on the girls' good side if she wants to get anything done tonight. It's all up to Amanda.

"Thanks, I did it for you yah know," she proclaims as she sinks her teeth into a dark chocolate biscotti that has little chips and sprinkles decorating it. She gets some on the floor but Emily has bigger issues than a few melting pieces of cocoa.

"I know, but we're not done yet…This is just the beginning."

"The beginning of what?" she asks as she sits down on the stool in the kitchen, needing a big jump to get into the seat, using the counter as a jumping on and off point. She used to be so coordinated and graceful but her big belly keeps getting in the way of her agility.

"Of my story," she says to her as she thumbs through the journal that Amanda has returned to her.

Adding more to David Clarke's faux notebook she hands it back to Amanda. "Hand deliver this to Victoria Grayson and ask for 100,000 dollars just to be safe."

"What was I doing before?" she asks as she cocks her head, confused about everything.

"Playing hard to get…don't tell me this is a new thing to you," she replies with a little sass in her voice.

"And what do I do with the 100 grand?" she asks as she finishes up her snack and wipes her mouth with a napkin that is thinner than she imagines it would be.

"Keep it, diapers are expensive…" she murmurs as she gives Amanda smile, the two girls finding common ground for once in a long time.

* * *

Emily can't believe what Nolan is wearing when he comes downstairs with a proud look on his face. He's wearing tight leather pants that cling to his hips and a sleeveless leather jacket with a hood making him look like a leather clad superhero. He wears nothing underneath in order to show off his newly formed six pack and the fact that he now has biceps worth showing off. On his face is a masquerade mask that's black and silver. Hers is black and gold and embroidered with flowers.

She wears a gold dress that's set like a corset and her hair is pinned up in ringlets. She looks almost like something out of an Anne Rice novel. She isn't wearing a mask but it is in her hands. She sets it on the table before walking over to him. He does look good, that's for sure.

Removing his mask slowly, an act, a gesture showing him that they can be vulnerable with each other; she looks into his warm blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me about your father Nolan?" she asks with wonder in her voice and facial features. Her expressions are kind instead of mad but somehow Nolan senses in her tone and the way she holds herself that she's disappointed with him.

"You were wrapped up with trying to find your mother, wrapped up with Aiden and we were living two worlds apart," he says as he tries not to tear up again. While his father was abusive and overall not a nice man, Nolan still found beauty in the fact that Edward Ross kept an eye on his son throughout the years and didn't toss anything when it came to him.

"Let's not let that happen again," she says as she watches a single tear roll down his face. One hand on his shoulder, the other reaches out to catch his tear, his obvious display of emotion. It's a big step for her, to touch him like this, to let herself show interest in his well-being.

"We'll talk about this later," he says as he pulls away, afraid to get too close because he knows it's probably just a fluke. "We've for a party to attend…"

Putting her long black gloves on, she prepares herself mentally for the long ride ahead.

"I bet it's going to be killer."


	9. Old Wounds

In her head everything is going swimmingly especially with Daniel Grayson at her side. He's loyal to his last breath or at least it seems that way from her perspective. He flashes those puppy dog eyes at her and she's sold. Very shortly she will be wearing an Alexander McQueen from the spring collection that will make her look like a luscious peacock to go with her mask. She stands in her walk in closet and unzips it from its black bag to get a better look at it. Ashley Davenport watches the bag puddle to the floor and she uses her black Prada heels to kick the bag out of the way.

Hearing a bit of a scuffle in the main part of the room she shares with Daniel she perks up and listens before he joins her in the closet. "What was that all about?"

Daniel shakes his head and puts his hand up, looking a bit embarrassed. "It's nothing…I tripped," he says as a blush rises to his cheeks.

A smile shines on hers as she pets his face like he's her own little hound. In his hand is a square black box. "What do you have there?" she asks as her breath hitches.

"A present, a gift…" he murmurs as he opens it, revealing a beautiful teardrop diamond necklace, the diamond a shade of opal.

Gasping she admires it before looking into his warm dark eyes, swearing she can see his wonderful soul. She just can't fathom that his goodness is possible when he is linked to Victoria and Conrad Grayson and all their never ending drama.

"It's beautiful Daniel…"

"Just like you," he claims as he wraps his arm around her shoulder, looking at the dress hanging up in the closet. "I was thinking you could wear the necklace with your dress tonight. It's a perfect match," he says and she leans up to kiss his cheek.

"Just like us," she coos as she leads him into the bedroom, wanting to give her man the proper thanks.

Using her strength to lay him down on the bed, she crawls on top of him, hiking her Chanel skirt up as she straddles him.

"I'm excited for the party," she tells him as she nibbles his earlobe, knowing he's a fan of the gesture.

"You like playing dress up," he replies as his hands go to her hips. He knows her love of fashion far too well.

"As I recall, you like me playing dress up too," she snorts as she leans down to kiss him, finding solace in his lips.

He remembers her many assorted outfits she has worn in the bedroom for him and thinks back to Emily Thorne and how she was never able to relinquish all control, not like Ashley is. With Ashley he can be dominant at times without any backlash. He feels they are on equal playing grounds even though he still misses Emily.

"So how do you like working for my father Ashley?" he asks as he lets his fingers massage her hips, making her buck into his body.

"I don't work for your father Daniel, I work for you…" she says with a smile, knowing he's playing a dirty little game.

He wants to make sure she's telling the truth so he asks her again, this time looking into her big bambi eyes to see if she's being honest with him. "Who do you work for?"

"You," she proclaims before he flips her over on her back, bending her knees so he can settle comfortably between her legs.

The lights begin to flicker and she arches to see the ones behind her dim as if they are in a weakened state. "These lights don't bode well for the party," she mutters under her breath as he buries his face in her neck.

Daniel knows how to make her dizzy with lust and now he is too. He doesn't want to think about his mother's gathering until the last possible second. "It will be mysterious in the dark, don't worry about it. Just some old wiring…"

"You sure?" she asks as she runs her fingers through his chocolate hair.

"Don't worry Ash, you can trust me."

* * *

Even though they live in a manor, the walls are paper thin. Conrad Grayson walks throughout the halls and can hear a bed squeak in the distance and a commotion coming from Daniel's room. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head before catching up with Victoria who brushes her hair in front of her vanity.

"Children will be children," she says as she touches the earrings David Clarke bought for her all those many years ago. Conrad still has no idea who gave them to her but that's because he doesn't take much of an interest in her accessories.

"Remember when we were like that?" he asks but she only rolls her eyes and answers with a solemn no.

Conrad's left eye twitches before he sits down on the golden love seat behind her. He sinks into the seat and watches her apply blush to her cheeks, needing it because she looks so cold without it.

"It's simply new Conrad, they'll get over it soon enough. I'm just glad he's with Ashley instead of that horrid Emily Thorne woman."

"I agree, I find we can trust Ashley," he states as he kicks his feet up.

"Well at least we agree on something," Victoria conveys as she blows on her eye shadow pallet, trying to choose a color for the party. She's going to be wearing blood red.

"Something's wrong with the lights in this old place," Conrad expresses as he stands up to flick the first fixture he finds, not as if it's going to help any.

"Well, the show must go on."

"Is Amanda Clarke in our home?" he wonders, knowing the party will be starting very soon and everyone should be getting ready instead of having sex.

"Right down the hall with Charlotte. Charlotte's helping her fit into her dress, let's just hope she doesn't spill that child out on the floor tonight," she says as she rises like a true queen needing her crown.

"God I hope not…" he purrs as he takes Victoria's hand. "Thinking of wedding vows yet my dear?" he asks his blushing bride to be.

Victoria rolls her eyes and turns to Conrad, a sneer on her plastic face. "My my, aren't you hopeful?" she asks sounding sardonic.

"Well we have to put on a good show don't we Vicki?" he says with a smirk, pulling her in for a kiss, something he usually only does when they're in front of the children.

She pushes him against the wall and thinks of him hitting her, thinks of him pounding on her face with bronze knuckles until he's satisfied.

"You're despicable Conrad…" she hisses before turning her scowl into a glowing fake smile. "See you soon my love…"

* * *

Charlotte helps Amanda into her dress and smiles, it's a good fit but Amanda just shakes her head and holds her belly.

"Are you kidding me? I look like a giant pumpkin!"

"But a very pretty pumpkin," Charlotte says as she looks at her in the mirror.

"Let me guess, is my mask green?" she wonders but Charlotte shakes her head.

"A shade of plum and I'm hoping with the accessories you'll look more like a sunset than a gourd."

"Thanks for helping Sis," she expresses, putting an emphasis on the title.

Even though Charlotte isn't her half –sister and she knows it, she still can't but enjoying their time together. All she ever really wanted was a family and she's excited she can get it with her baby and with Jack. She knows Jack will come around in time and Emily will help her with that… hopefully.

Charlotte flashes her pearly whites before getting dressed herself. She lets Amanda help her into her corset since she has had experience with this type of article of clothing at the club.

"Did you get to wear stuff like this at your old job?" Charlotte asks, being coy about it but also interested. Her sister is from a whole different world that she isn't used to but she is clearly intrigued.

"All the time... Naughty nurse outfits, naughty cop, you name it and I wore it…" Amanda says; never shy about her past at The Beaver Dam. She made some good money and friends there.

The place, along with Allenwood also taught her to stand up for herself. Being a sex worker is hard work and she knows most people don't respect strippers but she always wanted to change that since her job was a legitimate profession and took a lot of skill and upper body strength.

"What was it like?" Charlotte asks as she curls her hair making her look a bit more like Amanda by default.

"Strange men throwing money in your general direction, terrible," she laughs as she puts on some lip gloss along with her hoop earrings, the ones with the little wings at the bottom.

"If my mom heard us talking about this, she'd have my head on a plate," the young girl says with a scoff.

"Well it's a good thing we share a father, not a mother… besides, she's not here right now so we can talk about whatever we want," Amanda purrs as she sits down, giving her feet a rest in the heels she wears, her feet swelling from the pregnancy.

"What was he like?" Charlotte blurts out, wanting to know more about her biological father.

"My father?" Amanda asks as she thinks back to her own father, Mr. Ethan Thorne who did not seem as kind as Amanda made out David to be.

Amanda Clarke prepares herself to answer, she thinks about the real Amanda Clarke, her friend, the little lost girl in the cell with her. She thinks about herself, what she would have wanted in a father and then…she speaks.

"My father was a great man, the kind that stories are written about. Forget all that stuff that they said about him, he would have never hurt a fly. He used to catch birds with me, little things with broken wings and we'd take care of them, nurse them back to health. He took care of me and gave me everything I ever needed. He knew not to spoil me and he taught me responsibility. We donated food and clothes and helped out at homeless shelters every winter but most of all he loved me unconditionally, just like he would have loved you…" she says with a sniffle because she has never gotten the chance to feel that kind of love from anybody.

Charlotte hugs her and the two hold each other for a while. Everything else is put on pause and they really bond. Amanda only pulls away when the baby kicks her hard.

"Ow…jeez this kid is going to be a soccer player…"

"Can I feel?" Charlotte asks, her eyes brightening like two diamonds shining in the sun.

Amanda nods and brings Charlotte's hand to where the baby's foot is currently pressing against her stomach.

"Does it hurt?" she asks, enamored by the whole concept, the whole beauty and science behind it.

"No…it feels good," she says with a wide infectious smile.

* * *

Nolan loops his arm with hers and at first she refuses it but with one look at his face, those needy eyes and she can't say no to him. After all, his father did just die.

Taking his arm she lets him lead her through the crowd at the Grayson Manor, swerving and winding through people with designer gowns and gold encrusted bodices. To Nolan she is the belle of the ball so she lets him have his dream before the drama starts.

Hors d'oeuvres line trays as the waiters stand ready to serve. Nolan eyes the buffet, making love to it with his baby blues and Emily just keeps in line with him, each step feeling like a climb as she gets closer to Victoria.

"You ready for this kitten?" Nolan asks, not exactly knowing what she's got up her sleeve.

Emily just nods as she hands him a drink, making the two look busy as she watches Amanda from the corner of her eye.

Nolan sips rather loudly making Emily glare at him but he just slides away to mingle with Charlotte and some of the other guests.

Emily keeps a watchful eye on both of her associates.

* * *

Amanda Clarke glides across the halls of the second floor of the spacious home with her sunset gown (as Charlotte calls it). She explores and keeps quiet like a ghost until Victoria Grayson is gracious enough to welcome her with open arms.

Victoria leans in and at first Amanda assumes that she will be receiving an anything but warm kiss on the cheek but instead Victoria whispers sweet nothings into her ear.

"Please do come with me Amanda…" she beckons and Amanda is more surprised that she encountered the word _please_ even though they were in private, no one to put a show on for.

She follows her down the hallway, kitten heels clicking against the floor until Victoria leads her into a spare room. Amanda inspects it, not exactly trusting the middle aged woman with the horrifyingly icy glare.

She knows what she has to do though, get Victoria to write out a check and do the trade-off. It's all pretty simple when it is put into layman's terms but for Amanda it's a lot to ask since she's due to give birth any second. She has a lot on the line and a domestic future to think about.

"Thank you for the dress Victoria," Amanda expresses as she puts on a nice girl routine before acting hastily.

"My pleasure," she responds with another killer smile that makes even Amanda want to gag. She suddenly wonders where Emily is, if she's close.

"Mhm…" Amanda sighs as she takes out David Clarke's journal, waving it around like it's the key to a treasure chest.

"You said "how much" before…I think I'd like to take your offer of just that…"she purrs as she looks up at Victoria who is a bit taller than her in heels.

"That's a good girl," the Queen says almost gleefully as she reaches into her clutch bag to pull out her check book, something she always has on her. "What's your price?" she wonders.

"100,000 dollars," Amanda says, her words lingering in the room and bouncing off the walls.

It's measly cash for Victoria Grayson so she doesn't think twice about signing the check and handing over the slip.

Amanda takes it in the palm of her hand and looks at it knowing it could mean a real future for her son, a future for her and Jack.

Victoria takes the journal and knows how much it will mean to her to read David's word, to hear his voice in her head one final time with absolute certainty that he loved her dearly.

Going back down to the party Amanda flashes Emily her check in private and Emily smiles softly, only half of the work done. There's still so much to do and so many people on her radar. Anyone in this room could be a member of The Initiative and she wouldn't have a clue.

"Thank you Amanda," she says and knows that one day she'll tell her the truth. She knows one day she'll be able to repay her just as she must repay Nolan who sticks with her through thick and thin. It's definitely a partnership, a marriage of sorts but she doesn't often label what they are.

He is her concern and she, his, simple as that.

* * *

Victoria paces in the office that used to be Conrad's. Conrad still claims it as his but he's hardly ever home. In her grip is the journal that David Clarke wrote, the one he slaved over in prison, a place she sent him to. She thinks about his fingers on each page, his pen in his mouth, chewing at the cap as he always used to do. Every time she sees someone chewing on the end of their pen she thinks of David.

Charlotte chews on pen caps just the same way.

Taking the journal she sets it down to skim through but then a sudden feeling of uncertainty prods her mind. Rain begins to fall and she can hear it tapping on the window pane. The wind picks up and soon it will knock on the windows and doors like a phantom.

Taking the journal she walks in a determined nature to her bedroom and pulls out a note hidden at the bottom of her jewelry box. Staring at the page she lets her eyes trace the letters that form a love note written to her by David Clarke himself. She knows his handwriting and while the handwriting in the journal is similar, it's not his.

"She played me…" Victoria curses under her breath before chuckling to herself. "The little bitch is just like her mother…"

* * *

Kara Wallace Clarke in all the mayhem of losing yet another husband reads in the paper about Amanda Clarke being embraced by the Grayson family and is filled with rage. If she wasn't crazy before, she sure is now.

Seeing her daughter's belly round and plump she knows she finally has to face her. Even she knows she must beg for forgiveness and tell her what really happened when Amanda was five. She knows she wants to be part of her daughter's life and she can see so much of David in Amanda's eyes. Little does she know that it isn't her daughter at all, but she wants her to be very much so.

She drives along the freeway and blasts old classic rock music before settling on Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces" on repeat. Her face twitches and her lips curl into a smile as she gets closer to The Grayson manor after driving all day.

She hears there is a party going on, and she's going to be the life of it.


	10. Human Frailty

**((Authors Note: Well that's it, you made it to the last chapter. I hope it was as good to you as it was for me. Read and review and check out my other stuff too, you won't be sorry. Tell your friends and all Nemily lovers where to find me. Thank you))**

* * *

Conrad Grayson doesn't dress up for the party, he wears a suit but that's about it. He's never been a fan of costumes since everyone never wears their true faces anyway. He sits in a darkened room. The only lights come from the green ones emanating from the security screens that he has around the manor scattered in secret places.

He likes secrets. He likes lies. He likes deceit.

He doesn't know why he's a sociopath or what in his past made him that way but he doesn't suppress it. He watches the party guests mingle and remembers a Halloween party from a few years back. Victoria came dressed as an elegant witch and it was oh so fitting. He knew his family was not very well liked but that was because they made themselves unlikeable. He was no stranger to the feeling of being hated but he loved the power that came with it. In that way he always thought, especially after his death, that he and Tyler Barrol were a lot alike.

Tyler Barrol reminded him a lot of Kara Wallace Clarke so it's a major surprise when he begins thinking about the woman and then she shows up at his home. He can see her waltz through the front door. She's looking around almost in fear like the crowd is too much for her. He watches her pointer and middle fingers move up to her temples as if she is trying to keep something inside of her skull from bursting out. She was always a deeply disturbed woman, at least she was in all of the time that he knew her but Victoria was more the one who was associated with her. He learned most things about her from his wife.

Kara Wallace Clarke collects herself and focuses on her missio which is finding her pregnant daughter. Part of her feels that with this baby she can have another chance at being a good mother. She knows this baby won't be hers of course but she can't help but want to try to get back what she lost.

Nolan Ross is the first one to catch sight of her in the corner of his eye. He only recognizes her from pictures and of course she's aged a bit but he can still see the resemblance. His mission is to find Emily but he doesn't want to take his eyes off of Kara, afraid of what she might do.

_Why is she here?_

He thinks to himself before taking out his Nolpad and texting Emily on it, he just hopes she gets the message in time.

* * *

Victoria is still full of rage knowing that Amanda Clarke played her and she watches the pages of the journal burn in the flames that she has created with a single match she found in a matchbox that was left forgotten about years ago.

Everything only illuminates even more inside of her when Conrad tells her who has come for a visit.

"Have Kara Clarke brought to me at once," she states as she stands up, smoothing her dress out and looking wicked.

Conrad does as she asks just this once because he too is curious as to why she's here and even more than that, how she is alive.

A few moments later, Kara arrives upstairs in a yellow colored blouse but she is certainly no ball of sunshine and she can tell that Victoria isn't pleased by her return.

She embraces the taller woman, her pursed lips sweeping over Victoria's botoxed cheek.

"Victoria, you thought I was dead didn't you?" she asks as she admires the fresh flowers on the table beside her.

"I didn't know what to think Kara," Victoria purrs as she watches her, eyes very focused on David Clarke's first wife.

"I didn't give you much reason to think I was alive. I'm here looking for Gordon Murphy, I figured he may have come to you considering you two were once so close," she says as her body stirs and her fingers twitch.

"And why are you looking for Gordon Murphy?" she wonders as she takes the little kettle of water and pours it over the flowers to get them to open up some more since they do not sit by a window.

"He's my husband," she states as she looks over at the fire, knowing what it's like to be burned.

She wonders if Victoria Grayson has ever felt that way but knows the woman will get what's coming to her. She might just have some things in store for the woman. She might as well while she is in town.

"Oh my, I didn't realize. I haven't heard from him no," she lies through her teeth. She doesn't know how to say to Kara what she pinned on him without starting more drama she doesn't need.

"Do you happen to know where my daughter is?" she asks, knowing Victoria welcomed the girl into her family.

"Amanda? Why she's here tonight. I'm sure she'd love to know her mother is alive and well…" Victoria says as Conrad listens in on their conversation, standing in the door frame like a lurking shadow.

Victoria takes Kara by the arm, linking it so everyone knows they were once friends…or something to that effect.

"I'll take you to her."

* * *

She's sipping warm champagne and it rolls over her tongue like liquid gold. She turns around to see Nolan scanning the room and probably looking for her so naturally she approaches the man in the leather with the popped collar and gives him a delicate nod.

He doesn't say hello or give her his usual smile, the one that's meant for her and only for her. Instead he says…

"Your mother's here."

Her hearts stops and she feels weak at the knees. He steadies her seeing her face go pale. She is as white as snow.

"What?" she asks, pretending she didn't hear him right the first time.

"She's here and she's on the war path for you…or Amanda rather," he replies as she turns around, trying to catch a glimpse. Part of her wants to see her mother so badly while the other part fears it and wants to run.

She's speechless and breathless; she hasn't thought all of this through. She hasn't had the time. "What do I do?" she asks him as they watch the scene before them unfold.

* * *

Amanda Clarke drinks bubbly seltzer and wishes it was a Black Dahlia instead, the first thing she ever talked to Jack about. She remembers it like it was yesterday. She was drenched from swimming and wearing red and he handed her a towel and helped her with applying sunscreen. She wishes things were still like that, still so easy between them.

Life's just going to get harder and she doesn't even know it yet. She doesn't even know it is coming.

Emily is off to find her but just as she does she collides into Kara Clarke and for the first initial seconds she doesn't recognize her. It's only when Victoria pushes her aside that she realizes her mother is inches away from her.

Nolan's eyes are wide; pupils dilating as he watches his partner in crime emotionally dangle on a ledge. She walks off but stands close to eavesdrop. Emily picks up a few appetizers and puts them on a plate but does not dare touch them. She's lost her appetite.

Amanda turns to Victoria and gulps, Victoria feels like doing the same. Kara Wallace Clarke seems to put everyone on edge. "Amanda, I take it you remember your mother."

Amanda looks to Kara and holds her stomach before locking eyes with Emily who just nods for her to play along. Both girls can see fear in each other's eyes.

"Mom?" she asks. "I thought you were dead…"

"Well a lot of people say a lot of wrong things about me."

Not knowing what to say, Amanda goes into panic mode but since she's acquired some acting skills over the years, everything turns smooth like butter.

She looks at Emily and the two almost converse telepathically before Amanda holds her stomach and her breath hitches. She makes a pained face and watches Victoria react to her diversion.

"Amanda, are you okay?" Victoria asks as she snaps to one of her maids to get her the phone. She actually snaps her fingers.

"I think it's the baby," the young girl murmurs as she leans against the railing of the stairs.

"Don't worry baby, mommy's got you, mommy's got you…" Kara prattles on as she tries to pull Amanda into a hug but that only makes her cry more so Kara gets Victoria to call for an ambulance.

As Emily watches Amanda with her mother, the memories flood back to her and hit her like a tidal wave. She is visibly shaken and can no longer watch. She turns on her heels and the tears flow under her mask and down her rosy cheeks. She walks past Nolan and just by the way she's walking he knows she is silently beckoning him to follow.

He does like any good boy would.

* * *

The car ride back to their place is silent. She wipes her eyes and she's pawing at her face but keeping the mask on because she doesn't want him to see her cry. She's a mess underneath all that makeup and fabric.

He parks the car and she's off faster than a speeding bullet. He's so used to waiting for instruction and wishes he had a guidebook from David teaching him how to deal with her but even a father's love can often not save his child from her mother's fury.

Nolan walks inside following in suit and sees her standing almost frozen by the stairs like she can't climb up them.

She's almost catatonic as he approaches her, his shoes slightly squeaking against the floorboards as he walks. They're somewhat loose and he wonders what he'll find underneath them if he pulls them up. He imagines he'd find more secrets and he doesn't know what to do with the ones he keeps as is. For now he leaves it alone. He can't leave _her_ alone though.

His fingers snake out to touch her, "Amanda…"

She quickly turns around pushes him away, "Don't call me that!" she says as she pounds her fists into his chest. He tries to grab her arms to get a good grip on her but she really lets him have it.

Before he knows it her lips are crashing upon his and he's a slave to her mouth. Her fingers are moving through his hair and creating sensations at the nape of his neck that make him feel like he's blushing over his entire body. He's not kissing back because he's confused and shaken by her outburst but his hands move over her hips to steady her.

It's an out of body experience but he hears her moaning into his mouth and he melts into her kiss. He relaxes into her fierce touch and remembers that she's always had a magnetic pull over him.

He pulls back, his teeth lightly clanking against hers and he sees that she's almost pouting, like he's stopping her plan from going through. She has her own agenda it seems; he just doesn't know how he's part of it.

"Emily…" he groans weakly as she eases his tall frame against the wall.

"Don't Nolan," she begs him.

She doesn't want him to try and talk her out if it, she doesn't want him to say she's in a vulnerable state and how he doesn't want to take advantage. She already knows what he's going to say and she doesn't want to hear it. The only things she wants to hear are his moans of absolute pleasure and her name spilling from his parted lips.

Her hands go to his belt buckle, her fingers moving underneath it to pull his hips into hers. Their bodies collide and her tongue finds its way against the hollow of his throat. He elicits a whimper before saying her name the same way but it is stopped by her pointer finger at his lips.

"Nolan I make my own choices… and I choose you," she says overcome by emotions, one of them being desire.

Emily Thorne wants to feel something and she knows she'll feel it with Nolan. She knows he'll take care of her and do everything he can do to please her. She knows she's safe with him and he can be trusted because in the end all that matters to him is her, that's clear.

Nolan looks surprised, hell he feels surprised but he goes with her as she leads him up the stairs. He wonders if it was like this with Daniel, if they could hear the waves crashing up on the shore as they made love and their bodies rocked like the ocean. He's overthinking because Amanda Clarke, David Clarke's daughter, the woman he swore to protect is leading him to her bedroom and it's not to talk.

His head spins and he feels dizzy as she crawls up on top of him. He doesn't even remember his body hitting the mattress but it is safe and warm here, the cream colored blankets surrounding him just as she is. He takes in her scent and she's everywhere. She's intoxicating and the way she smells, it's rubbing off on his clothes. His black leather is even darker and wicked looking against the light comforter. He is anything but wicked though and she knows that. She'll go easy on him.

Emily's black gown pools around Nolan as she straddles the billionaire. Her hips rock against his as he fumbles with her, not knowing what to do. He's usually so good at this but tonight, with her everything is different.

He looks up at Emily with his pink lips parted and just watches her. She unpins her hair and it falls in spirals framing her face. She looks like an angel and it's funny because she thinks the same of him.

He reaches his fingers upward towards her face and wipes away the remaining tears the taste of them still on his lips from her kisses. His lips are also slightly stained red from her lipstick but he doesn't mind. Sucking and nipping at her lower lip he grinds into her, arching his body up to her.

She's aching for him already and they're just getting started. It's been a long time. She hasn't been with anyone intimately since Daniel but she knows she needs this tonight. She needs him inside of her, to take the pain away even if it is just for a little while. She will just have to make it last.

_It's just sex, isn't it? _

Getting off of Nolan she stands in front of him even though she doesn't want to break away from his spell.

"Get me out of this dress," she barks and he quickly does as he is told.

He sits on the edge of the bed and unravels her from the dress, his hands removing the ties to her corset and lifting the giant thing of tulle over her head. It's a full skirt and now before him are her full hips as she stands in lacey black boy shorts and a matching bra. She is not shy about her body and she never really was. She's always had bigger things to worry about than her self-esteem.

She peels the leather jacket off of him so she can fully see his chest. She's seen it before while he was boxing but now it's in an entirely different context. She takes in his body as he writhes beneath her already having his mind blown.

Her hands move across his chest as she leans back down to kiss him, their lips sharp against each other with force. Tugging on his lower lip she lets her fingertips connect with his pert nipples. He gives a pleasing grunt of approval against her warm mouth and she lets him breathe into her. He goes to move his hands along her thighs but she swats him away, pinning his wrists above his head as she bites along his neck, leaving her mark.

She loves control and she needs it now.

Her body is practically on fire but she keeps focus, lower lip skirting over his collarbone and leaving him breathless.

"Ems…" he murmurs, his eyes at the ceiling as she clamps her mouth over his nipple making his pants feel even tighter than they already are.

Sitting on top of him she can feel him, the genius at the height of his erection and she can feel herself getting just as aroused, her wetness clinging to her at the seat of her panties.

"I'm here Nolan," she tells him as she lets him have his hands back. She'd had her fun but now she's ready to hand over the control, but in her own way. She takes his hands and places them on her breasts. His fingers mesh with the lace as he cups and squeezes firmly, just the amount she wants.

Somehow he can see her now, what she wants and needs and wonders if Daniel was too vanilla for her liking. He always imagined Daniel was sweet and kind but never really satisfied her.

He wants to satisfy her in ways she can't imagine. He wants to taste her if she'll let him.

"Tell me I'm yours… she hisses as she yanks his belt off completely, setting it aside for later if she's in a playful mood.

"You know you are, just as I'm yours," he says with a gulp as he sits up with her. She kisses him softly and rests her head on his shoulder, taking a breather.

"Thank you Nolan, for everything," she says as she stares into his deep eyes, his pupils dilated from the arousal.

"You don't owe me anything yah know," he says, making it very clear that he's not loyal just because he thought it might end up between the sheets.

Emily lies down before him and spreads her legs just a bit to show how open she can be with him. He can smell her arousal and it makes his mouth water, it makes his length twitch in anticipation.

He needs to get out of these tight pants and soon before the circulation cuts off.

"I think you're underestimating how much I want you right now Nolan," she expresses as she takes his hand and moves it along her heated flesh. He can already feel how slick she is through the thin lace. "And just how much I need you tonight," she says through soft moans that are music to his ears.

He stands up and unbuttons his leather pants, peeling them down and over his hips until they are a puddle on the floor. He steps out of them and she's gob smacked at the size of his length.

"You were expecting something different kitten?" he asks as he kneels between her legs, his cock bobbing in front of her.

She doesn't speak; instead she gathers him in her hands and strokes him from base to head, pre-cum leaking from his slit. He's a beautiful sight to withhold, not just because he's got the body of a model but because he's Nolan and he would do anything for her. He's her roommate, her partner in crime, and even her guardian in a way.

He's gasping and bucking his hips into her hand and she smiles and smirks, loving the distraction from everything that took place tonight. He whimpers when she eases him into her mouth and his knees shake on the bed from the pressure of how she sucks on him. She's got him right where she wants him but he surprises her when he eases her back onto the bed. The man nearly tears the underwear off of her like they are made of paper and plunges his long fingers inside of her hot wet sheath.

She's throwing her head back and mewling his name, trying to focus on the sensations and nerve endings. He seems to know them all and just with his two fingers curved expertly she already feels like she's going to burst.

"Nolan…" she murmurs as she grips his hair, feeling warm just by the way he looks down at her. He kisses the tops of her breasts as he fingers her, not showing her any mercy because he can tell this is just how she likes it.

He's still nervous, still a shaking mess but he's overcoming it just by hearing her say his name and work with him to make things happen. He would have never imagined this and part of him wonders what the morning will be like but not enough to stop him from fucking her.

They'll cross that bridge when they get to it.

"Amanda," he replies with confidence in his voice. She pauses for a second, her breath hitching before kissing him hard, getting lost in his mouth and tossing him on the bed. With his back planted firmly on the mattress she climbs onto him and sinks onto his cock, letting him fill her completely.

Her tight heat envelops him and he throws his head back, pleading with the gods as he shuts his eyes. She rides him, slamming up and down on him in order to feel, in order to be distracted by the pain. She bites her lip and closes her eyes, focusing on bringing herself to orgasm but now his eyes are open, fluttering yes, but open.

His penetrating blue eyes look up at her and watch her and he thinks,

_My god is she beautiful_

Before cupping her face and tipping her chin down so she's looking at him. "It's just me and you here, remember babe…" he coos and she nods, everything falling back into place.

She doesn't hold back and they're both a mess but together they are something mighty, Nolan cums first after forcing his orgasm back for a while. He probably could have had an orgasm just by looking at her in her under garments.

Emily watches him revel in his pleasure before doing the same herself. She cums on top of him with an exasperated moan and her thighs shake before she collapses into him and sobs into his shoulder. The silence in the room is deafening except for her cries.

He clutches her and turns her over so she is on her back. He eases out of the younger girl and kisses her forehead, comforting her. He knows she isn't crying because she regrets their time together.

She needs him, and he's there.

* * *

She falls asleep in his arms but he hardly sleeps at all. He's scared of what the morning will bring, if she'll tell him to go back to his room or move out altogether. He finally falls asleep but is woken up by the ring of a cell phone.

Emily stirs before reaching over for the device almost in her sleep, like she's been programmed to do so. "Hello?" she answers in a groggy voice.

"Emily, hey…it's Jack. I'm sorry to wake you, just wanted to let you know that you're a godmother. Amanda had Carl this morning, about an hour ago."

Emily shakes her head, surprised that Amanda did go into labor after all.

_She wasn't faking it…_

"Oh my god Jack, that's great to hear…I'll get to the hospital as soon as I can, Nolan too. I'll tell him he's an uncle."

Nolan smiles as he looks at her, his hair sticking up like a cockatoo. He listens to her tell Jack she will see him later and watches as she hangs up.

"You're an Uncle," she says as she turns to him, sheets against their bodies.

"I heard," he says as he blinks slowly, trying to process everything.

Sitting up she tucks her hair behind her ears and does the same, thinking about last night and everything that transpired between the two.

"We can't go back now Nolan…" she says as she licks her lips, wishing they could talk over coffee and croissants.

"I know Ems. Look you call the shots, that's how it's always been. I'll wait on you," he preaches as he looks at their clothes on the floor.

"Nolan I don't know how to explain what we are and what it is we did last night,"

He cuts her off, interjecting his two cents. "We had sex."

She chuckles and she leans into him letting him play with her blonde locks. "I know, but you know what I mean. I usually always have a plan but not when it comes to me and you…" she says in a sleepy voice. "All I know is that I want the truth and I want revenge more than ever. All I know now is that I need you by me every step of the way."

"You can count on me," he states as she begins to smell coffee.

"Is that coffee?" she asks quickly and he laughs at how quick she can be to change the subject.

"Yeah I set it on an alarm the other day," he proclaims, looking proud.

"I love you," she says playfully and he knows she doesn't mean it like that, not yet anyway.

"I love you too," he says in a painstakingly obvious way. She smiles down at him as she holds her sheets at her chest before she finds his paisley robe on the chair. She throws it the robe on and fixes his hair with a little friendly elbow grease.

"Hey that's my robe!" he whines not knowing what he's going to wear. She smirks, reaches into her closet and hands him her white silk robe.

"This is barely going to cover my ass," he voices as he throws it on and follows her downstairs for a good old cup of joe.

"That's the point," she tells him as she reaches for her infamous blue mugs. Pouring them both coffees she sits down next to him.

"What are you going to do about your mother?" he asks and she flinches but settles back into being Emily Thorne, master of the universe.

"Not sure yet, but we have a new baby to spoil and a Grayson wedding to attend," she murmurs as she rolls her eyes.

He does the same and makes a gagging sound. "Ugh the Queen and King renewing their vows, seems kind of farfetched doesn't it?"

"Not to them because they're so fucked up," she coos as she lets the morning breeze cool her skin.

"Mmmhmmm…" he says as he sips his coffee.

"Want to be my date?" she asks and his eyes light up.

"Duh, is that even a question?" he asks and she kicks him under the table, their friendship in bloom, nothing much changing about that.

"Then it's settled," she says as she clinks her mug against his, the two of them preparing to face the day and the storm that is Kara Wallace Clarke.

Toasting to the morning before everything gets dark he raises his glass and she does as well. They clink again before drinking greedily.

"So…what's on the revengenda today?"


End file.
